Lost
by LifesDisgrace
Summary: This is not really a fanfic. It's one of my stories I have benn writing and I think it's time to get it out in the open to get opinions. Alex is a troubled teenager who finds love and tragedy  I suck at summaries  WARNING: CUTTING AND ADULT THEMES
1. Chapter 1

**Ummmm… Sorry about these worthless things I put at the top and bottom of all of my stories and chapters I'm used to fanfiction. The only reason I do this is to tell you what's going on and things that might affect writing, updating, etc… Sooooo this is a story about a girl that mainly finds love, and with it comes tragedy, pain, and…. Well, hard to explain. Promise it's better then it sounds… **

**Ooooohh and pay heed to the summary… cutting and adult themes WILL BE USED! Just sayin'…**

CHAPTER 1

"Am I really that worthless?" I thought to myself as I looked in the mirror. Fifteen year old girl, jet black hair, cut at an angle in the front and layered in the back, a little longer then shoulder length. I had bright blue eyes (I always thought I looked like I was blind), and was dressed in ripped black skinny jeans, a black tank top and black high tops with neon blue laces. I turned my wrists to face the mirror. Scars, deep knife cuts dripping blood. I watched as the blood dripped from my wrists and the knife blade in my hands onto my carpet.

A rush of anger swept over me. _Why doesn't anyone understand me? _I mean it is understandable... I get abused by my step dad, my biological dad is trying to win custody over me- I really don't see why they won't let him have me, my mom's a drunk, but she does put on a good "guilty mom" act for the judges.

Everybody at school treats me like a complete outcast and I have absolutely no friends at all. Even the teachers treat me like a freak and nobody cares to put a stop to it.

7:30! Crap! I guess I have to get ready to start another worthless day of my life... It was October 30th, a day before Halloween, and almost everybody was out looking for their little skimpy Halloween costumes, which was good in a way, there wasn't many people to criticize me. I walked down the nearly empty hall, everyone that lined the hall included; the "nerds", half of the "Goths", and the people that really don't give a shit about anything. Thank god my mind rejoiced, and my stomach felt at ease for at least once in my life.

At the end of school, I walked home. Today was a lot better then I would have imagined. I finally came to my house. I walked up the stairs to my front door, turned the knob slowly, and opened the door, careful not to make any noise (it's better not to be noticed, it saves half the torture Joe puts me through). My stomach tightened once again, which was a feeling I was all to used too... Fear.

I entered my house, the smell of cigarette smoke and beer filled my nose. My house was like walking into a fiery hell, where my step dad could rot in for all I cared. It was dark and lifeless, yet surprisingly well kept. The dark colors mixed with all of my mother's forgotten artwork that lay upon the walls like ghosts, unnoticed, invisible, just... There. I always look at them, they're beautiful, and they reminded me of how my life used to be...

All of a sudden, Joe came staggering out of the kitchen. He caught sight of me and ran towards me, something shimmering underneath his sleeve. He grabbed my mouth so I couldn't scream. "Don't you dare scream you little bitch! Or I swear to God I _WILL_ kill you!" He squeezed my arm harder and brought the hand that was around my mouth, slowly, down my body. My heart started to race. I was so uncomfortable. I decided to run away as soon as I had the chance. I stared into his dark, cold, uncaring eyes. He let go of my arm and hooked his thumbs through my belt loops.

That's when I ran, everything hit me at once. The force of me pulling away was so strong, that it broke my belt loops. At almost the exact same time, Joe reached for the thing in his sleeve, a knife. I turned toward him, he was right behind me. He swung his arm up and cut me, right on the edge of my eye. One centimeter to the left , and I would have been blinded.

I ran upstairs, into my room, shut and locked the door, then cried myself to sleep listening to each bang on the door from my step dad.

When I awoke the next morning, I looked in the mirror after I got dressed for school. I had a bloody cut on my right eye and a red ring around my arm from Joe. I knew school today would be total hell, so I prepared myself for anything.

Half of school had gone by and I was right. As I walked onto campus, I put my head down so my hair covered my eye. Everybody looked up and got silent. Then it got loud again. Taunts filled the air as I walked along the sidewalk. "Life is completely meaningless," I thought, "and nobody's noticed it yet."

What is the meaning to life? Why does God put us through a long, hard ride just to kill us at the end? Why do people fear hell when life is hell itself?

These questions filled my head, I guess a little to much. I wish I knew the answers. I guess I was to caught up in my thoughts, next thing I knew I was on the ground, hands and knees in a pool of mud. I looked up to find a group of boys walking away laughing. One of them stayed behind watching them. He turned to help me up. I stood, dizzy at first then I looked into the eyes of him.

Lucan Marks. He was in a few of my classes, but I never really paid attention to him.

He didn't really belong to a certain clique. He was like a mix of punk, meets kinda nerdy, meets... Well... Unique. He had black hair, cut with shaggy emo bangs and slightly spiked in the back. He had thick neon orange streaks on his bangs, and the little spikes were each frosted with neon blue at the end. He had sparkly almost golden eyes and had a gorgeous smile. He was surprisingly attractive, perfect come to think of it. I had never realized that before.

"Alex, is that right..." He finally said with his faint yet noticeable British accent.

"Uhh, I mean, yes. Your Luke... Lucan, right." I can't believe I was getting friendly already, calling him Luke.

"Yep, that's me!" He replied. I can't believe someone's actually talking to me... Is he lost? Or blind? "Are you alright? I'm so sorry...-"

"I'm fine," I said, "but your friends don't appear to be... They're asses... I think they only let humans at this school, I think they got lost." I turned and walked away, but he grabbed my arm where Joe had bruised it. I fell to the ground. "Oh! I'm so sorry! Did I do that?" He said in shock as he helped me up once more. "No, just a little bruise on my arm, I'll be fine." I turned away again, good thing my hair was still in my eye, he would have asked about that too.

"I'm having a Halloween thing at my house tonight... Wanna come?" He yelled at me. He lived at the end of my street.

"Ummm... Your asking ME!"

"Uhhh... I guess so... I don't see anyone else around..."

"Uh, I'm not sure, I'll have to see." I answered back. I had to gather my thoughts. He was inviting me to something. I guess I would go... It was Friday so nothing would happen... And this would probably be the only "fun" thing I would ever do in my life. "Wait, yeah, I'll go..."

"Awesome! It's like right after school..."

"That's fine."

"Cool." He replied. He grinned and left me to walk to class alone.

**Like it, or should I just stop? REVIEW please! Click that little button right underneath this and tell me what you think. Or say hi. I would be fine with that! Ok…**

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Welcome to the second chapter to "Lost". Ummmmmm yeah I think that's it… Again, this is not really a fanfiction. The reason it is a "crossover" between Edgar Allan Poe and The Mortal Instruments is because Edgar Allan Poe is the BEST author that ever lived and my absolute FAVORITE and The Mortal Instruments is I think my favorite book soooooo yeah…**

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CHAPTER 2

At the end of school, I began to walk to wherever my legs took me to first... Then Luke caught up to me.

"What's up." He said. I looked at the road, the trees, my feet, then into his eyes.

"Walking." I said at last.

"Can I walk with you?" He asked.

"Ummm, sure." I replied. I was still confused. I mean why all of a sudden is he talking to me?

We finally came to his house. People were already waiting outside in their Halloween costumes. They looked really stupid. We entered his house. They had decorated it with all kinds of crap. It looked pretty cool. Spider webs, signs, giant spiders, coffins, and holographic ghosts were everywhere. Luke stayed with me the whole time, so I had a pretty good time. We talked about everything. I can't believe this was all happening. I felt... normal for a change.

Everybody went outside in the woods trying to scare each other. Me and Luke followed, but he too my hand and went further into the woods. "Where are we going?" I asked, "Everybody's back the other way."

"I was getting a headache, weren't you?" He replied when we finally stopped.

"Um. not really." I said

There was a certain energy in the air that I didn't recognize. My heart was beating so fast and my stomach was doing back flips.

I looked into his eyes. They were the brightest stars reflecting off of the moon's light.

He came closer to me. He kept coming closer until he had me backed up against a tree. He put his hands on my cheeks and moved my hair out of my face. He was even more gorgeous up close. I couldn't help myself. I put my arms around his neck. We both slowly moved toward each other, and we kissed. Easy at first, then with a little force, then with a lot of force. His body was pressed very tightly against mine. He grabbed the bottom of my shirt and was pulling it up when his friends found us.

I was the only girl at the entire, and all of his friends were from different schools, so they didn't mind talking to me. This was a totally different atmosphere then school or home.

"Whoa dude!" one of them yelled at Luke.

Luke let go of my shirt, and put his arm around me, "Uh, hey guys, ummm what gives...?" He said. He looked a little embarrassed, yet comfortable.

"We couldn't find you so we came to look for you," The same boy said, "We didn't expect to see you like this, you want us to come back tomorrow morning?" He looked at me and stepped into the moonlight. He looked like Lucan, but way different.

He gave off that "Goth/emo" vibe. He had jet black hair, and bright glistening blue eyes, almost brighter then mine (they might have easily been brighter then mine). His hair was shaggy and VERY emo looking, like mine, and unlike the other boys around me, he had no neon color in it. He was wearing a red and black techno/checker like shirt with a black jacket. He had black skinny jeans, and red high tops with black laces.

He shook my hand. "Hi, my name is James Lee... And you might be...?" He had a very strong British accent and I could detect some French as well.

"I'm Alex Cook..."

"Nice to meet you... Alex Cook..." He replied.

The other boys stepped into the faint moonlight.

"This is Jackson Sanders," He pointed to the blonde one, "...and this is Deven, "He pointed to the red head, "Deven Watts."

Deven had brown eyes. His hair was cut like James's and it had neon blue streaks all through it. He had a black Green Day shirt on with a leather jacket. He had black bell bottoms with chains hanging down and neon blue high tops. His lip was pierced with a golden loop on the left side.

The other one, the blonde one, Jackson Sanders, wasn't like the others. He still had that punk/Goth feel to him, but like a little brighter. He had four peircings in his right eyebrow, he had a nose ring, and each ear had at least 6 black studs in each ear. He had a purple and black stripped beanie-like-hat and his blonde hair flipped out around it. His shirt was purple and green stripes and he had a black jacket on with dark blue skinny jeans. His hair was streaked with blue, green, pink, and red.

James took his eyes of me and stared gravely at Lucan, "Your mom's calling us in, some guy escaped from jail. Dude, your mom's crazy! She's probably that guy!"

I already knew there would be hell to pay for not coming straight home and now it was 11:50, "I should be getting home anyway." I said.

"You do?... Oh well I was hoping to get to know you a little more, see ya' 'round!" Jackson said.

"Bye Alex. I guess I'll see you at school then..." Lucan said. He stepped away from me and put his head down.

"Bye Luke." I stepped forward and kissed him on the lips. He put his head up and smiled an irresistible smile.

I walked down the street to my house.

I slowly opened the door. Nothing. I didn't want to make much noise so I went straight to my room. I took a shower, got dressed, laid down on my floor, and began to draw. I always drew, especially when I was scared, which it has been that way since my mom remarried... Afraid that I'll make one wrong move, always afraid that I'm not good enough for Joe and my mom. I hid my emotions in my drawings, it helped sometimes...

When I became satisfied with my drawing, I curled up into my bed and went to sleep.

I wasn't asleep for long, maybe five minutes, when the sound of my door woke me up. I saw the dark outline of a man in my doorway. I rolled over and acted like I was asleep. I heard footsteps coming across the room to my bed. He turned me on my back. I closed my eyes, quickly, but saw who it was, my step dad. I opened my eyes a crack, then closed them again I didn't want him to suspect that I was awake. He shook me violently and put his hand over my mouth. "Shhhh..." He said, "This will only hurt for a little bit, then it will all be over.'

I was confused, but I soon found out what he meant. With his other hand he pulled a knife out of his pants. He lifted his arm up above my body and brought it down, stabbing my stomach. "I should have done that a lot sooner sweetheart..." I heard him say just before he left the room.

The pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. I looked down at my stomach, the knife still there, but blood gushed from out around it. Breathing became harder and harder until I decided to give in, and I closed my eyes for what I thought would be forever.

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Sooooooo Yeah second chapter. Like it hate it? PLEASE if you are reading this… after you do so click the little button that says "REVIEW" I would love to hear what you guys have to say about this. Tell me about one of your stories that you want noticed and I will recognize them in one of my author's notes at the end of the stories I publish at the end of the week! Just please! You can even just tell me your pen name or just say hey! Please I just want to know who's read it and crap like that…

**Thanks. LifesDisgrace. XP**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi and welcome to the third chapter of "Lost". I have an announcement to make. There is a wonderful writer, StoryKitten, and if anybody likes Vampire Academy she has a wonderful fanfic. for you to most defiantly read. It is called "More Spirit Users?" You should really check it out. On a different note… Here is my latest chapter…**

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CHAPTER 3

I awoke to a blinding white light and complete quiet. My eyes adjusted and I found myself in a hospital room. Four boys sat in the corner, three in chairs, and one on the floor leaning against the wall, all asleep, or so I thought. I looked closer, it was Deven, Jackson, James, and Lucan.

Lucan opened his eyes. "Morning sunshine," He said, "Wow, you don't look so good..."

Deven appeared out of nowhere behind Luke. "She lost a lot of blood Einstein." He had a German accent. He fakely smiled, and licked his lips a little. I looked at Luke, puzzled. He shot the same look back to me, but smirked.

I tried to sit up but a sharp pain in my stomach jolted me back down again, "Shit!" I yelled out loud. Luke ran over to me faster then I had ever seen anyone run in my life, "Are you alright!" He exclaimed once he was by my side. "Yeah, I'm fine." I replied, it hurt just to talk.

"Your in pain." James chimed in.

"Duh, I'm in pain I just got stabbed!" I yelled. I didn't mean to sound so stern.

"No, not in pain. Emotion pain. Someone hurt you mentally, I can sense it." He replied. He was

completely calm... How?

"I guess so..." I said. "I expected what happened, just not then."

"You basically died for a split second. You were coughing up blood, and so pale, you could barely take time to breathe." Lucan said. He paused. "I wonder what it's like to die."

"I guess it's peaceful if you don't die in pain..." I said. I didn't give much thought to it.

Lucan looked out the window. He looked back at me, his eyes sparkled. Jackson went over to the window then looked over to Lucan, then James.

The doctor entered the room, "Look who decided to wake up!" He exclaimed, "Let's have a look at your wound."

He pulled down my blankets and lifted my shirt up. He examined it for a minute or two. "Your recovering quickly," He said. He sounded surprised, "You'll be able to go home very soon."

"I've only been here for a day..." I said.

Luke came over to me, "Alex, you've been here for almost over a month."

"You've been in a coma, and these boys have been here with you this whole time, they haven't left once." the doctor explained as he pointed to Luke, James, Jackson, and Deven.

I was surprised, especially with Deven. He didn't seem like the type to care about anything.

A month! How! This thought puzzled me for an hour after the doctor had left. I soon fell asleep and awakened to the shock of my life.

I awoke to the sound of a phone ringing. I looked around and saw Luke on a chair, sleeping, to my right, and a woman to my left. "Who could that be?" I whispered to myself. Something seemed very familiar about the hair and body. My hair and body! She woke up and looked at me. My stomach dropped. I was looking into the eyes of my mother.

"Hey, sweetie." she said without hesitation. Her eyes were puffy and she had tear stains on her favorite shirt, I could tell she was sober for the first time in a long time as tears came to her eyes.

"Hey mom." I said in reply. My mind rejoiced and tears began to come to my eyes. My mom here with me. Crying with me.

"Your friends came and got me as soon as they could." She said.

I looked at James when he arrived at my door with Jackson and Deven, "You waited a month!" I exclaimed.

"She was either gone or drunk when we came to get her...! Would you rather have her here drunk out of her mind...?" James argued.

My mother put her head down, "I'm so sorry." she said clearly ashamed. Then her eyes lit like fire, "WHO DID THIS TO YOU?" She said, she was very angry.

I didn't know what to say. If I told her the truth, she'd most likely call me a liar and leave, and most likely start drinking again, if this soberness was permanent. But I took a chance-the truth had to get out sooner or later, and the sooner I told her maybe she would get rid of Joe...

"Joe did it..." I said

She said nothing, she just began crying again and walked out of the room.

"Alex... I have a really bad feeling that this will all end up very tragic." James said once we heard the hospital's doors close behind my mother. I didn't want to speak it or even think it, but somehow in the pit of my stomach I felt he was right.

I awoke to the sounds of an ambulance and doctors talking as they rushed a patient down the hallway. The boys were already awake long before me. I looked at the clock, 3:06am. When the doctors and patient came past the boys looked to see who it was. After they had passed, Luke shot James and oddly concerned glance and whispered something to him. James shook his head in response. Luke put his head down. Jackson. who knew what they were talking about, calmly asked, "Dead?" James nodded his head and soon all of them went to sleep, clearly uneasy about something.

I woke up in Luke's arms. At first I didn't know who it was so I jerked quickly away from him and started punching and kicking. "Holy shit Alex!" He said as he jumped out of my bed. He came back to me and started comforting me, "You were yelling my name and screaming bloody murder in your sleep," He explained, "So I came over to calm you down."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I wrapped myself in his arms, I felt so safe.

"That's ok," He replied, "Your safe, that's all that matters now."

Deven shot Luke and evil glance and mouthed the words "Tell her"

I couldn't help but to ask, "Tell me what?"

Deven looked at Luke, "Luke was just about to tell you something." He said

Luke shot Deven a quick evil eye, then looked down at me. "Last night? When all that commotion went on outside?... It was your... your mom..." Luke said "... She's... Dead." It sounded like he had a hard time telling me, and his voice had become weak and was quivering slightly. My heart dropped. I just talked to her that same day, and I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I began to cry uncontrollably, "No!" I screamed. "No! Your lying!" I didn't want to bring myself to accept it.

After many hours of crying all the fluids out of my body, the tears wouldn't come. Luke came back over to me and hugged me once he say I was no longer violent.

"I don't get it," I began to say.

"Get what?" Luke questioned, looking down then at me then burring his face into my hair.

"Never mind." I replied. I was about to say something else when Deven and James burst in.

"Hey, hey killer!" Deven exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Why killer?

He brought over a newspaper. Showing me the front page he said, "Apparently, you... Umm... Killed your mother..."

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Ooooooookaaaaaay…. So how do you like it so far? Now all you have to do is click the little button that says REVIEW and we can both be happy. ish. Ummmm tell me about something I can change… Tell me about one of your stories that you want recognized… Say "Hey!"… Just let me know that you read it please?… :D

**XP Thanks. LifesDisgrace. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi ok so I decided to put another chapter on in a day… I was like really bored and I have A LOT completed of this, I just need to divide it into chapters and all that crap… Sooooo… Ummm WARNING: VERY BAD WORDS ARE USED IN THIS CHAPTER! Soooo decide what to do with that… Enjoy…**

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CHAPTER 4

"What!" I screamed, it echoed throughout the small room.

James ran over to me to calm me down. My mom dies and I get the blame a few hours later...? I've been in the hospital! Anger shot through me and stayed in my heart as betrayal. I picked up a test tube of my blood from a tray beside my bed and crushed it in my anger. Blood covered me and my hands were bleeding from the broken glass. "No!" I heard Luke yell just before I did so. Soon Jackson and Deven were hovering around my bed. James and Luke were holding them back, but Jackson and Deven slammed them against the wall. James hit the hardest being hit by Deven into my blood tubes, tiny pieces of shattered glass piercing his pale skin.

Jackson threw Luke into the wall just below the TV. The huge vibration on the wall caused the TV to come down on top of him. "Fuck, Jackson!" Luke yelled at Jackson heaving the television off of himself. "You threw me into a freaking' TV!" Jackson flipped his middle finger to Luke then turned back to me.

James got up, his eyes black with anger. He slammed his whole body against Deven. It sounded like a bolder hitting concrete. They began punching at each other, and soon the doctors arrived with security.

The security guards pulled James and Deven apart and kept Luke and Jackson apart and pushed them out to the hallway. From what I could hear and see, all four boys and all six guards were yelling at one another. James was giving Deven the evilest look anyone could give someone, it was scary evil, his hair was in his face and his fists were tight at his side. Deven was being held back by one of the guards from getting James and Luke and Jackson were still fighting. The guards took each one by the arm and struggled to get them out of the hospital.

My doctor came into my room, "That didn't look to good..." He said, his dark brown eyes looked confused.

"It wasn't to good." I said thinking about the events that just took place.

He lifted my shirt up a little to look at my stomach. "What was it about...?"

I looked down. There was a big scar... I guess it was better then blood and a knife. "To be honest, sir... I'm not really sure..."

He laughed, "Well I guess some things are better left unknown..."

"I guess so..." I replied.

"Well, Alex... It looks like it's all healed. Your free to go home now." He said handing me some of my clothes, "Your mom brought these. I'll leave you to change."

What home? I thought to myself after I had changed. I walked down the hallway and decided to ask where the boys went to. I went to the desk where the nurses and doctors were talking about what they had seen of the incident. "Ummmm, hi," I said. They turned and stared blankly at me. I continued, "The boys that were in that fight, do any of you know where they are now?" I felt so stupid.

"They were taken to the police station. Serves them right too, disturbing the peace like that." One of them said.

I looked around; sick people, people suffering from damages beyond repair. Peace, is that what that was? "Thank you... I guess." I replied.

I left the desk and walked down to the doors and pushed them open. Their eerie creak brought me back to the day when I last say my mother alive. I walked down the road. The boys had been taken to the police station for fighting... God only knew where they were now. I wasn't going to go look for them, I was already mad and I was sure they weren't going to explain anything to me.

I sat down on the sidewalk on the side of the road, taking in the coolness of the December air. I laid on my back and looked at the sky, just like I did when my mom was sober, and still with my dad, and... Alive. Living and breathing. It seemed so long ago. I tried to get back up, but forgot that my stomach muscles still were not right. Half way up I put my arms behind me to keep myself from falling, but a shock though me causing my arms to become weak for a split second and I fell to the concrete sidewalk, knocking the breath out of me and hitting my head hard.

Suddenly, I heard the faint sound of Heavy Metal music. It kept getting louder until I could hear there was a loud roar of a speeding engine. All of a sudden it stopped right in front of me. The music was as loud as ever and I looked over to see a black '67 Mustang. The driver turned the car off and two passengers got out, one out of the front and one out of the back. They came over to me and looked down at me. I couldn't tell who it was, the sun was right above them making it impossible for me to see them. Then I looked at their clothes. Totally over the top, I knew exactly who it was.

"Leave me alone," I groaned, "I can't get so don't make me. I'm going to stay here until I die. You can't make me!" I looked at the red high tops on my left side.

"Just one of us is enough to pick you up, Alex, believe me. And a little word of advice? You thought getting stabbed is a painful way to die? Just wait until you starve to death. You'll wish you didn't tell us to go away." The british/french voice said.

"I was practically starving to death in that freaking' hospital! Anywhere is a better place then that to starve! I'd rather die here while I'm at one with nature!" I replied.

"You don't want to go home do you?" The British one said calmly.

"Gosh! You always manage to do that! Stay out of my mind!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, sorry it just comes... Naturally... I guess." He said.

"Go away!" I kicked at his leg. "Leave me alone!"

"Alex... Come on, your acting like a freaking' four year old!" The other one said.

"Come on James, help me." Lucan said. Luke got my arms and James got my feet and they carried me over to the car. Luke got in and pulled me in after him, then James got in, both holding my arms so I couldn't get loose. "Jackson you stupid ass!" James yelled, "You moved to the front!" Jackson turned around and stuck his tongue out then Deven started the car. The loudness of the music and the noise of the engine sounding at the same time out of nowhere, made me jump at least 1 foot out of my seat and almost busted my eardrums to pieces.

"How'd you find me!" I yelled over all of the noise. They all fell silent for a couple minutes before James replied, "Ummm we ummm... Figured you'd be here..."

"But it made absolutely no sense for me to come here that's why I came here..." I argued.

"Exactly, we came here because it made ABSOLUTLY no sense for you to come. You NEVER end up where your supposed to be. If you did, we wouldn't be in this situation right now would we?" James explained.

I couldn't argue with that. Even though it made no earthly sense, I was sure James knew what he was talking about.

"Ummm and about the hospital, how'd I get there?" I asked. That question had been bugging me and I had never had the chance to ask.

"We followed you home to make sure you stayed safe," Lucan said, "Then you started screaming so we got in through a window."

"Yeah, and when we found you room, there you were practically bleeding to death... So much blood." Jackson said turning more pale then he already was.

"So we drove you to the hospital," Luke finished, "Oh, by the way, you owe me a new car."

"No I don't... Why?" I asked.

"I saved you life... And you uh bled all over my backseat..." He said.

" Oh, I'm sorry, and, thanks..." I said sarcastically. I gave him a sarcastic hug.

Then Deven spoke up, "Hey Cook, be glad your alive. You never know how precious life is until it get taken away. One day you'll learn, and it'll be too late."

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Sooooo Chapter 4...? Again… REVIEW! Please… I really want to hear what you guys have to say about this. Ummmm yeah. That's all I have to say I got everything out in the last chapter….

**XP Thanks. LifesDisgrace.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! Ummmmm soooo this weekend, I will not be posting anything! O.o I will be on the dreaded vacation that I am forced to, every year, partake in… SHIT! Why do my parents have to love Hatteras! Hate it. Anyway… I will try to get as much stuff as I possibly can, and yes I would overwork myself just for you guys! Awwwww… (Eh…) Anyway, here is the newest chapter of the day "Chapter 5"! (dum dum dummm)…**

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CHAPTER 5

Yeah right, I thought to myself. We arrived at Luke's house it looked much different with the sun shining on it. Me and Luke, who still had my arm, followed slowly behind the rest of the boys. We made our way into his house and went into the kitchen.

"Deven, James, why are we in my kitchen?" Luke questioned.

James reached into a jar on the counter, and stuffed something into his mouth, " Your mom makes awesome cookies." He said.

Someone walked into the kitchen. He eyes lit up when she saw Luke. She ran over to him and gave him a giant hug. "K mom, I can't breathe." Luke said painfully.

"Oh I'm sorry sweetie, you've just been gone for so long." She said.

"It's only been a month mom!" Luke exclaimed. "We ran into some problems, someone can't seem to stay out of trouble." He looked at me.

"Oh! A girlfriend! My little Luke is growing up!" She turned to me. She was young and beautiful and her golden eyes were full of life and had the same twinkle in them just like Luke's eyes. Her hair was curly and black. She looked just like a girl form of Luke except for the wild clothing and unearthly hair coloring and style.

"No not a girlfriend! Just a friend that happens to be a girl! I was at the hospital with her and her sleepy ass!" Luke joked.

"That's coma ass to you butt wipe." James joined in as he put his arm around me in a joking manner. Mrs.

Marks just stood there like she was used to it, she probably was.

"I'm Alex Cook." I shouted over the noise.

She took my hand in hers and said, "I'm Leslie Marks, you can call me Leslie if you'd like, all of Luke's friends do..."

"Thank you." I replied, her eyes sparkled.

Once James and Luke had settled down, they made their way to the living room to watch TV. Luke saw me standing in the kitchen watching them and got up and walked over to me. He said nothing. He just grabbed my hand and I followed him down the narrow hallway to his room. There were tons of rock band posters on the walls, and almost all of his room was black. He closed the door. "I have, probably, one of the best views in the entire country." He whispered, putting a finger to my lips.

He led me up some stairs in the corner of his room. When we reached what he was talking about, he spread his arms out and smiled. It was beautiful. The stars were all out, covering an endless grassy plain, but there were faint pinks on the horizon like the sun had not yet set. I looked into his beautiful golden eyes. They looked hopeful. "It's beautiful." I replied. There wasn't much else I could say about the breathtaking sight before me.

"This is where I go to escape reality." He said calmly. He laid down on some pillows that were at his feet.

I laid down beside him and put my head on his chest. It felt as if we were the only two people in the world and nothing else mattered.

"I wish we could stay here forever." I said without thinking.

His eyes twinkled as he smiled. After a while he said, "Well, too bad nothing lasts forever..." He chuckled.

We laid in silence for at least 10 minutes. I listened to the crickets chirping, and the frogs ribbeting. They followed in perfect rhythm with Luke's heartbeat. He rolled so that he was in a push-up position on top of me. He bent his arms a little, his nose touching mine. "You know your going to have to go home sometime, right?" He said softly and quietly as his lips brushed against mine, not yet a kiss, but enough to make my heart beat for more.

My mind raced with a million different things I could say to him. Finally, I just picked of the many worthless pity speeches my mind had lined up for me. "I can't, I want to stay with you." It sounded so crappy, I knew I would hate myself for years for saying that.

He laughed faintly, "You could if you didn't already have Joe. You have to let him know your alive."

"Yeah right," I replied, "He's the one that stabbed me in the first place."

He kissed my nose, "I'm sure he doesn't know your mom's dead, don't you think he'd like to know." I looked at him with pleading, sad eyes.

He grinned and brushed my lips again. Instead of letting them pass like last time, I parted my lips. I guess he wasn't going to just pass either because he too, parted him lips. Soon after many kisses and sighs, we were completely all the other was thinking about. I slid his jacket off, then his shirt. He grabbed my waist then rolled over so I was on top. He unzipped my jacket and slid it off.

"Lukie!" Someone called from downstairs.

We stopped kissing and looked at eachother. Luke looked annoyed, "Deven!" he snapped to himself. I got off of him and stood in the doorway. He got up and came over to me, put his hands on my waist, and stared into my eyes.

"I hope your appropriate, Lukie!" The voice called again.

He sighed and buried his face in my hair. Deven came into the door and got a surprised look on his face. He put his hand on his hip that was poked off to one side and pointed a finger in Luke's direction, then said in a girly voice, "Lucan Riven Marks! What have I told you about sex young man!" He came over to us and put an arm around both of us. "Well, look on the bright side," He took his hand off of Luke's bare shoulder and brought it on top of his head and patted it very hard, then started to play with his hair, "My little Lukie is growing up!" He said, fakely crying into our shoulders.

Luke rolled his eyes as Deven's head popped back up, his brown eyes once again serious and evil, even darker with his thick black eyeliner. "Your grandmother's downstairs, she sent me to get you... But I can tell her your... Busy... Ummm... Working..." Deven said.

"That won't be necessary, thank you." Luke replied. He looked both annoyed and uneasy about something. He let out a deep breath before taking my hand in his and said, "Come on." We followed Deven all the way down the stairs and down the hallway. when we reached the living room, Deven ran over and sat between Jackson and James and started whispering something to them.

A very young woman walked over to us and smiled when she saw our hands interlocked and how close we to eachother. She hugged Luke then shook my hand. "Alex..." He shifted, "Meet my grandmother..." I looked at her, she nodded and smiled a brilliant white smile. She had beautiful sparkling green eyes. Her short black hair encircled her pale wrinkleless face in a mess or tiny curls.

"We just wanted to see you one last time before we headed back to England." She said in her strong British accent. Once they had left, Luke lost his smile and went over and punched Deven in the leg before sitting down on the floor in front of him. I walked over and sat beside him. He put an am around me and I moved closer to him and put my head on his shoulder.

He looked down at me, "Are you ready to go home now...?" He asked softly.

"Come stay with me for at least one night!" I begged. I felt so safe with him.

He thought about it for a minute or two then said, "Fine... But you know that you have to face your fears sooner or later, even if they might get you killed. I'll stay with you for as long as you want me too, but you have to promise me that you'll stay at least one night by yourself. I'm only a few houses away."

I didn't expect that answer, but I was happy to hear it. I hugged him tightly, "Thank you so much Luke, I'm so glad I have you!"

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Chapter 5... (dum dum dummm) complete. I hope to have another chapter and a couple more chapters on my other stories by the end of tonight. (No promises…. But I'm sure I'll have another from this one.) REVIEW! Tell me about one of your stories or multiple stories of yours so I can recognize them, ummmm say hi. Anything.!

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Another chapter is what you seek… Well looky here, just take a peek. Haha I made a rhyme! I tried and it just suck, but that's not the point. Chapter six is waiting for you in it's… Wonderesness… Wow that is defiantly not a word…**

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CHAPTER 6

He smiled one of his irresistible smiles. Then, taking my hand, he stood up, "Are you ready now?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded my head. I wasn't really ready to return home, just to finally ATCUALLY be alone with Luke. It was a Saturday so my step dad would most likely be at a bar drinking the night until he got thrown out. Of course, then he would go to the next nearest bar and stop at a few strip clubs.

"What's on you mind?" Luke asked once he noticed I was uneasy about something.

I looked around at the houses we passed, then our own two hands, both of them holding the other. "Everything." Was all I said in reply. I couldn't say much else my breath, along with my words, caught in my throat. I finally realized that we were standing in the front lawn of Hell.

"It'll all be fine, Alex, I promise." Luke whispered in my ear as he led me to the front door.

I fought back tears as I walked into the front door. Luke wrapped me in a hug as I began to cry my heart out. "It's ok." He said sweetly, "You've already done the hard part." He kissed my forehead.

I led him to my room. He immediately went over to my huge stereo system I had set up on one wall of my room. He opened the CD tray and laughed. "The Runaways?"

"Hell to the yeah!" I replied laughing. "Why do you ask?"

He smiled, "Well, most of Joan Jett's fans were dudes. Which, personally, I don't blame them, she was pretty hot, and most people knew the Runaways by Joan Jett, not Cherie Curry for example."

"Well, you would think that the first all girl rock band would be an inspiration for girls, but I've been wrong before..." I replied. He looked on my shelves at my millions of CDS.

"I have a lot of these same CDS. Looks like we have a lot in common..." He said holding up one of my favorites, Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory album. He put it in the slot and turned it to my favorite song, By Myself. He laughed, "You like this song?"

"Uhhhh, yeah... I do. How did you know?" I asked."

Lucky guess, I guess." He said smiling. "What's you favorite band?"

I didn't even have to think about it, really, "30 Seconds to Mars." I said proudly. "What about you?"

"Ummmm... I'd say without a doubt that it's Bon Jovi..." He replied.

I laughed

"What?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

I took the same speech he had given me about Joan Jett. "Well, it's just that most of Bon Jovi's fans were girls. Which, personally, I don't blame them, he was pretty hot. But most people knew Bon Jovi by Jon Bon Jovi, not for the other members." I sat down on my bed, satisfied with myself.

I can't believe you just used that against me!" He said as he laughed in amazement. He pulled a chair in front of my window and sat down. I went over and sat on his lap. He propped his feet on my window pane and I rested mine on his. He took my hand and made a heart along with his hand, each of them being half. He held it up so that the moon was directly in the center. "That should be framed and hung in an art museum." He said smiling. I got my camera from my desktop and snapped the photo.

"Maybe it will one day." It really did look like art. The pitch black sky made the stars stand out and look like blotches of paint scattered around. Then with the bright moon showing all the tones of our skin, it looked just like a painting. I didn't want this moment to end, but I was really tired, and I still had to get a shower.

I got up off of him and walked over to my dresser, "I'm going to go take a shower." I said getting the things I needed.

Luke laughed, "GOOD! I can smell you all the way from here! GEEZ, you reek!" He covered his nose smiling.

I threw a pillow at him before closing the bathroom door behind me. I turned around to face the mirror and lifted my shirt to see my stomach. There was a big scar directly in the middle of it. Memories started to silently creep into my mind and decided to jump out all at the same time. Memories of my mother, of Joe, and of all the pain I had felt my whole life.

I reached under the sink and found my knife, a familiar face that I had seen in forever. I slid off my jacket, memories of Luke circled around in my head. I slid the knife across my wrist. The sting felt so good and brought back thoughts of how painful life can be.

I had a sudden hatred towards myself. I uncontrollably had the urge to kill myself. Involuntarily, I lifted the knife to my throat. I started about halfway around my neck, where I knew at least one of my major arteries were, and began to press and slide. Luke burst through the door, "Oh my god!" He yelled running over to me.

I looked in the mirror. There was a large cut there, and it was bleeding. I couldn't really tell how bad, Luke was rushing around me getting towels for it. Once he had settled down, he sat down on the floor in front of me and pressed a towel to my neck. "What the fuck were you thinking!" He scolded, looking at me in disbelief.

I thought for a while, "I don't know!" I said at last.

"You could have freakin' killed yourself!" He said moving closer to me and putting more pressure to my neck.

I moved away from him. "What if that was my goal!"

"I have a good feeling that it was your goal to start with, but you _didn't _want to. This isn't that deep, if you had all intentions to do it you would have."

I thought about it for a minute, he had a point. I couldn't argue, "I'm sorry." I said leaning against him.

"I can't leave you alone for three seconds, can I?" He smiled, "Your like, disaster prone, or something."

"I guess that means no shower then?" I asked innocently.

"Not if your going to slit you throat, then decide to take one..."

"I promise I won't."

"Ok..." He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes.

"I cross my heart-"

"Don't say the 'hope to die' part." He said raising a finger to my lips. He got up and left closing the door behind him.

I went over to the shower and started it so that it would be warm. I took my clothes off and stepped in. The water felt so good hitting my aching body. I washed the blood off of my neck and wrist, and washed my hair. When I got out, I could hear clearly the sound of rock music coming from my room. I got dressed, dried and flat ironed my hair, then opened the door, and went into my room.

Luke turned the music off and ran over to me. He took my hands in his and raised them above our heads, "Well, I see your head's still attached to your body." He kissed me.

I laughed, "I guess so..." I kissed him back. I looked up at his arm and discovered something I didn't expect to find. He had five music notes falling down from a demonic looking music staff, which I guess was a little normal for him, I just had to get used to the tattoo part. But the part the unsettled me the most was the fact that the tattoo wasn't the only thing on his pale wrists. There were scars and bloody cuts, not fresh but what looked to be at least two days old. I tried to hold back a gasp, but failed.

"What's wrong?" He stopped smiling.

"Your wrist...-" I began still in amazement.

"Oh..." He said looking up at them, then putting his arms down and covering it with his hand. "That... Well,

I haven't tried to kill myself yet... Well... Or are you talking about the tattoo?"

"Well, both kinda..." I said.

"Well the tattoo is just something me and the guys did to be stupid...-" he started.

"Wait! James, Deven, and Jackson have one too!" I couldn't help but to interrupt.

"Well, each of us have one on our wrists... Deven's just tattooed all over..." He explained.

"Wow..." I said, I never would have imagined tattoos on any of them. "Now, what about..."

He sat down on my bed. "I'm no the only one... I hope you know that..." He said looking at my wrists.

"Me?" I asked.

"You, me, and James. Believe me, if you think mine or yours are bad... You haven't seen his yet..." He said smiling. "He digs into his arm..."

I thought about James. I thought about his innocent blue eyes. They looked peaceful, and depressed, but he never acted unhappy. " But why do you do it...?" I asked... He didn't really answer my original question.

He smiled. "Why do you?"

I fell silent. I didn't expect him to say that.

"Exactly!" He said. He hugged me, "Maybe you enough to change me" I kissed him. He kissed me back. I sighed, and pushed his back and crawled on top of him. Suddenly, there was a tap on my window. I backed off of him and opened it. Jackson stood there looking up at me.

"Get Luke! Tell him we need him ASAP!"

Luke was already running over to the window. He scooted me to the side, "Jackson, what's wrong!" He looked concerned.

"Just come on! Hurry!" Jackson yelled.

"Luke took my hand. "This might be bloody... Do you want to come?"

"I'm not staying here if that's what you mean." I said.

Luke shifted uncomfortably and dragged me downstairs and out the door.

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Ok… Cliffhanger thingy… I guess. OooooooOoooOOOO (That was a ghost ooooooo) Ooooohh great idea! I have a question for you. If you have already read my profile, you know that I am a major MUSIC FREAK and I am hoping to have a soundtrack for each of my stories posted on it within the week. My "assignment" for you is to… Give me songs that I could possibly use in it and you will most defiantly be recognized when this soundtrack is up… Just tell me in a review… Please…? XP

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Eh…. I think this is chapter 7.… :| Don't judge me! This week's been hectic… and next week I won't be able to update (Stupid vacation that I am forced to put up with every year… :( Hate it…) But I will write! :) Soooo enough about that, here's chapter 7... (?)**

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CHAPTER 7

We got in the back of Deven's Mustang, Jackson was driving. Neither Deven nor James were there. Jackson slammed on the gas. We arrived at a two story house, it wasn't Luke's. It looked way different.

"It's James's house. "Luke said when he saw that I was confused. "Come on." He got out following Jackson. I followed Luke. We came around the back of the garage to a little shed in the backyard.

Jackson opened the door to reveal a bloody scene. Deven had a bloody nose and lip and bleeding wounds covered his tattooed body. There was blood on him that didn't appear to come from any of his wounds- it wasn't his blood. Luke went over a corner and quickly turned away. Jackson wrapped me in a hug. "Don't look..." He whispered into my ear.

I knew James... I couldn't even think about it. Luke came over to me and led me outside. I started crying, "I know what happened! I'm not 3 years old! You can tell me the truth!"

"He was my best friend! I don't want to say it and accept it! I know you know but I don't want to say it until I'm ready!" Luke yelled. He kicked a tree. "Ugh!"

"Say it..." I said. My heart pounded at the thought... James... Dead?

He sat down on the ground and put his head in his hands. I sat beside him and put my head on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry..." I said. "Go ahead, cry, you won't look like a wuss... At least not to me you won't... Everybody that's lost a best friend has cried, I'm sure." I said. I didn't sound too encouraging, I was crying, myself, into his shoulder.

Deven walked out with Jackson. "I didn't do it, Luke."

"Of course you didn't, Deven. You just caused the whole thing!" Luke got up and almost went after Deven.

"He killed himself..." Deven said then began to walk away.

"You bastard!" Luke yelled. He ran over to Deven and threw him on the ground. Luke got onto of Deven and grabbed his throat. "Tell me the truth!"

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Marks. Not everything's worth explaining." Deven said.

"He was like a brother to me! He's worth every second you've got! "Luke said through his teeth. He punched Deven in the face.

Deven laughed, "Is that all you got!"

"Hell no, but there's a lot more where that came from... I'll kill your ass!"

Deven laughed once again.

"You're crazy..." Luke said getting off of him. He backed away.

Deven walked away and left me and Luke alone in James's backyard.

"Do you want to see him?..." Luke said quietly. My heart sunk, I was afraid. James was smart, funny, and extremely talented. I couldn't picture his dead, lifeless body on the floor. I nodded, unwillingly. I wasn't ready but my legs followed Luke into the shed.

Luke stopped and looked in the corner where some boxes were stacked. I walked over and looked behind them. I gasped. James lay on the cold floor in a pool of blood. His eyes were open and no longer bright, but a dull grey. His arms were spread out revealing his lightning bolt tattoo on the center of his wrist. His cuts were bad, Luke hadn't lied-he took cutting himself to the next level. There was a 'slash' of blood on the wall beside him and his throat was slit deeply. I began crying harder. I walked over to Luke, who had been watching me, "Let's go..." He said.

We walked to the garage. Luke opened it to show a shiny black and white Camaro. He reached up on a shelf on a side wall and got some keys. "It's James's. I'm not going to just leave it rusting and untouched for centuries. His parents will know where it is.

I got in, "Do his parents know?" I said still crying.

"They know everything." Luke assured me.

"What about his body?"

"Jackson will take care of it." He hit his head on the dash board. "God, why did you do this!"

"Luke... It's not God's fault... He's real, just have faith in him..." I said trying to calm him.

"Oh yeah! If he was real, James wouldn't be... DEAD right now!" He looked up. "Would he?"

"Luke... It's going to be ok..." I said trying to sound encouraging.

Luke started the car. Rock music blasted out of the speakers. He turned it off quickly and hit eject on the CD player. A Black Veil Brides CD came out. He opened the console in the middle and put the CD in a case then shut it again. He slammed on the gas and drove to my house.

When we arrived, there was another car in the driveway. It was a while before I realized who's it was. "Shit!" I yelled.

Luke looked at me. "It's Joe's car." I said. My heart pounded at the thought of seeing him after a month, and the fact of him knowing I was still alive.

"Wonderful... He's caught me in a crappy mood... He better not piss me off..." He started to get out of the car. I grabbed his arm.

"I know I have to face him sometime... But I'm scared! Please!" I begged.

He stared at me for a long time. "I'll park down at my house, we'll walk here, then get in through a window. That way your dad won't know we're here." he compromised.

I reached over and hugged him, "Thank you..." I said. the next thing I said slipped out, but I couldn't really help myself, "I love you so much."

Luke grinned and rested his head on mine, "I love you too." He said. He started the car once more and drove to the end of the street to his house.

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Ummmmm yeah… Chapter 7 (I checked! It is chapter 7) What do you think? What do you want to see happen, what do you think I should change? Give me a story to notice in my stories soon to come. Ummmmm Ideas for a soundtrack… I have some but I need more! Want an idea of what the characters look like? Check my profile I have their picture and pictures for my other stories I have….

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I gave up on the rhyming I tried doing in chapter 6... Welcome to chapter 8! ("Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak, and weary…") I have that poem memorized and I won't leave my head… (See now it has a reason to be in the Edgar Allan Poe section!)…. Well then… I guess you want to read now… I guess I'll let you…**

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CHAPTER 8

When we arrived, Luke got out first. He went over to the other side, his hand touching the car the whole time, and opened my door. I got out and looked at him. He was looking down at the car. We stood like that for about ten minutes before Luke broke his trance, stared at me, took a breath, and let go of the car.

We started walking towards my house. Luke slipped his hand into mine, and looked at the houses we passed. I scooted closer to him until or arms were touching. We came to my house. We went around the side and found my window on the second floor. I looked at the height of it above the ground, "We're going all the way up there?"

Luke laughed, "No we're going through that window..." He pointed to the one directly below my room. I sighed a sigh of relief.

He let go of my hand and pried the window open. He looked in, then motioned for me to get in. He followed me then closed the window behind him. It was the window to a spare bedroom we never used and it was convenient right then in a sense of being beside the stairs. We went upstairs and entered my room, keeping as silent as we could.

I closed the door behind me. I picked up a tank top and shorts from my bed and went over to a corner and changed. Luke sat down and put his head down, paying no attention to what I was doing. I threw my clothes in a clothes bin and sat beside him. He looked up again, his eyes turning red. "Do you think Deven was telling the truth?" He asked.

I pulled my comforter and sheets from under my pillow and sat down on my pillow and pulled the blankets over my freezing legs. "You knew James better then me, was it like him to do that to himself? You could only be certain if you knew what _really_ happened tonight, why don't you ask Jackson?" I said.

"I could imagine him doing it, I just never thought he would. Deven must have really ticked him off..." Luke told me.

"Did they really hate eachother? Or did all of that go back to what happened at the hospital?" I asked.

"Both. They have always had something against eachother. That, and James holds serious grudges. If you pissed him off, you may as well say goodbye to your friendship with him. It doesn't really help when Deven constantly has to start shit. I' surprised he didn't kill Deven."

"Deven look really bad... Maybe that was his intention?"

"I have no doubt that it was... But why'd he kill himself?" He looked at the ceiling and fell back. "Why, James why?"

I fell silent. I didn't really know what to say. Was it meant not to keep going?

I straightened my legs out and sank down under my blankets. I turned on my side and started crying again. My brain filled with images of the gory scene that I had just witnessed. "You don't have to be ashamed to cry." Luke's quivering voice said. I turned on my back and looked at him. His eyes were red and there were tears coming down his cheeks. "I can't believe he's dead..."

I didn't know what to say, and fell silent for awhile. Finally, Luke got up, took his shirt off, and calmly said,

"Good night." He turned my light off and I heard him lay down on the floor.

I thought for a few seconds then said, "You can sleep with me- No, not _SLEEP_ with_ ME_, but you can sleep up here, in my bed, with me... Where it's comfortable..." I stopped. I was never good at words, and the ones I was saying weren't really helping any. I looked at his brilliantly white teeth that almost glowed. He was smiling. I felt overjoyed that I made him smile, but extremely embarrassed with the way it happened.

He got up, pulled the blankets up and slid into my bed. He laid there for a few minutes. I turned on my side once again. He scooted over tightly against me. He put his arm around me and grabbed my hand, "I love you..." He whispered closely to me. He kissed my neck and I wiggled closer into his arms.

The next morning I awoke to a dark room and loud thunder. "Morning." Luke walked into with a breakfast tray. He went over and set the tray in front of me then sat down beside me.

"Awww... How romantic... Breakfast in bed when it's storming like Hell outside..." I said.

"I am romantic..." He said leaning over and kissing me. "You'll figure that out one day..."

"Maybe... Just most movies it starts out sunny, they have breakfast in bed, then they end up having sex somehow..."

Luke smiled. "Well, that can be arranged... All except for the 'sunny day' I can't control the weather... sorry..." He got closer to me and pushed my hair out of my face. He parted his lips and kissed me.

"How'd you do this...?" I asked "Isn't Joe here?"

"Your dad's gone..." He kept kissing me.

"Oh..." Then I remembered, it was Monday. "Oh my God, Luke, school!"

"Wow you're right... You know, we've missed more then a month... They've probably forgot about us." He stopped kissing me.

"But our grades haven't! It's all unexcused absence! They're going to kill us!"

"Fine..."

I hurried and got dressed. I took one last look at my neck and followed Luke down the street the James's car. Luke got in and caressed the steering wheel. He smiled as it roared to life.

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Another chapter… done. What do you want to see happen? Soundtrack? Any stories you want recognized? I guess that's it… I really don't know what else to say… REVIEW! Good day.

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Such a long wait for chapter 9 oh my god! Well… No more crying You may read now.**

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CHAPTER 9

As he drove onto campus everyone stared as a new car parked in the parking lot. Luke stared in front of him, then got a huge grin on his beautiful face. "Ready?"

"No…" I said in reply. I suddenly got sick to my stomach.

"It was your idea…" He opened the door.

I rolled my eyes and got out, running to Luke's side once I had closed the door.

Once everyone had seen who we were, a confused look appeared on their worthless faces. Even in the pouring rain, they had stopped running just to stand there and look like complete idiots. Luke put an arm around me and we walked into the building. "Guess we're not late then…" He stopped at my locker.

I knew the bell was going to ring any minute. "But we're not even close to early…" I opened my locker and got the things I needed. The bell rang.

Luke laughed, "Good one." He leaned over and kissed me, then turned to walk down the hallway. I turned also and began walking. "Ummm… Save you a seat at lunch?" I heard him yell. He knew I was always late.

I turned around to find him staring back at me confidently. "Thanks." He smiled, made a "rock on" sign with his hands and proceeded to enter his first class.

The hall was nearly empty now, which was rather scary. I made my way to the first class of the day for me. I put my head down and slowly opened the door, knowing that I was going to get chewed out sometime today and that the countdown had already begun.

I entered the room. It remained silent. Our teacher smiled at me then pointed to an empty seat beside a boy in the very back of the room. I walked down the aisle and tried to focus on his face. His head was down and the lights were off. His hat was in a downward position, casting dark shadows across his eyes.

I sat down.

His skin was pale and his fingers were long and boney- almost the fingers of an artist of musician. His hair was black and flat ironed, almost all of it looking like it was hugging his flawless face. He had acid green eyes- no doubt contacts, and he was dressed completely in black.

He was tense. His hands were clenched into a fist in front of him on the table, his knuckles turning white. It looked as if he was digging his finger nails into his palms. He exhaled sharply, filling the air with with the wonderful scent of mint for a split second.

I paid no attention to much of anything the entire class, only caught up in my thoughts about everything. _I'm bound to have a mid-life crisis at fifteen. _

The next classes didn't seem to peek my interest much either… I drew.

The lunch bell rang and I pretended not to hear it. My excuse for everyone leaving in a hurry? "There was a sudden fire, and I was dying." But that was apparently my over active mind getting creative.

I walked down the empty hallway to the cafeteria.

Luke sat at an empty table with his book bag beside him and his legs crossed in his chair. His head was down on the table top. I walked over, sat down, then punch the table. His head shot up quickly. He looked around then stared at me, "I was sleeping…" His speech was slurred. "That's what I was supposed to be doing last night, but 'God' had other plans…" He slammed his head back down.

I got out my sketch book out and continued my drawing I had not finished from the last class.

Luke looked through a part in his bangs. "That's… James's brother, right?" He said quietly.

"James had a brother?" I asked. I was looking for a green to match the boy's unearthly eyes.

"Two brothers and a sister… Why are you drawing Adam?"

"I don't know… Something about him…"

"Something…?" He sounded skeptical.

"I don't even know him!"

He stopped looking at me and breathed heavily on the table. "You're not eating…" he mumbled, "Why?'

"Why aren't you?" I said noticing that he had no tray in front of him.

"Well played, Cook…" His accent got stronger. "Beautifully executed."

"You changed the subject… I want to know everything about him… What I saw of him was a smart, talented, funny guy… But apparently that wasn't him."

"Your right… Ummm?" He paused for a moment. "Screamo, Saw, Black Veil Brides… Ummm… Guitar, Bass, Edgar Allan Poe. He loved things about death, couldn't stand to hurt anything, but massacred himself… Am I there yet?"

I simply stared at him.

"You're right, I left A LOT out… Anything _specific _you'd like to know? How long his-"

"Luke! You're being ridiculous!" I closed my notebook shut and shoved it into my book bag. I slammed my hands on the table and used them to steady myself to get up. I stormed out of the lunch room. I couldn't believe he was being that way about it. I guess he had a right to be… He knew I loved him… Right?

Guilt flooded my body, but over riding it was anger. I sat down on the cold tile flooring in front of my locker. I crossed my arms, put my head in my knees and dug my finger nails into my shoulder.

I sat there until the bell rang for lunch to end. I finally decided to move when the hall was cleared. Walking with no intentions of getting anywhere, I remembered that both Luke and Adam were both in my next class. _How wonderful that it ended up like that… What are the odds?_ I let out a nervous chuckle upon grasping the door knob. I entered. Quiet once again, all except Luke, who swiftly breathed a cruse under his breath, either at a me or a problem he was doing. The only empty seat was beside Adam, two seats up from Luke. I got a sheet from the teachers desk and took my place uneasily beside him.

I looked over to find his eyes meeting my glance, their brightness and color making a permanent place in my brain, like fire on wood. I quickly looked down. My eyes fixed on his name, beautifully scribbled in spidery handwriting at the top of his paper.

He passed a piece of notebook paper to me that he had written on. _Was I supposed to look at it? _I glanced at him before reading it. He looked expectant. I looked down. "_My brother knew you. I can see it in your eyes." _It said.

I wrote back in my pain print that made his handwriting look ten times better then it already was. "_Do you miss him?_"

He looked down and raised an eyebrow reassuring what I already knew. "_Severely."_ He wrote back plainly.

I felt sudden sympathy from him, like I could feel his pain. Well, maybe not half of it; one, I didn't have a sibling so I didn't really know that "special bond", and two, I couldn't imagine losing someone that close to me. Sure, a mother is close, but something about brothers and sisters is more then love. "_We should hang out sometime." _He wrote next.

"_We should." _I drew a smiley face. He grinned and covered his face with his hair. I didn't even know him that well, yet, I already felt comfortable around him. I fixed my eyes on the back of my hand, then my pen.

The bell rang again. It didn't really feel like time to leave. I lethargically picked up my book bag and walked out into the noisy hallway.

I paused like I normally did, always had somewhere to be, but never in a hurry to get there. Then I felt arms wrap around my neck with a body that pressed against mine suddenly. I stumbled forward, but the familiar hands kept me from hitting the ground. I felt lips near my ear along with his warm, comfortable breath, "Forgive me." He whispered.

I sighed. I couldn't figure out if I was still mad or not. "No, you have nothing to be forgiven for. I shouldn't have been asking about another guy." I turned around and threw my arms around him. I took in his wonderful scent and let it rub off onto me.

"It's fine… I didn't mind. Just… I wasn't ready for any of this to happen, and I took it all out on you. I'm sorry."

I stood embracing him, not daring to let him go. He did the same, hugging me with the same intentions, comforting me, telling me how much I meant to him. "I just love you so much."

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Sooooo how is it? Good, horrible? Ummmm REVIEW! Tell me what you want to see happen… Any ideas I'd love to incorporate things that you WANT to see. I'm hoping to have a new story started and posted by tomorrow (I'll probably have it on tonight…) Ummmm that's it…

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Kind of a filler chapter… Still kinda slow I know… But promise it will get WAY better! (WARNING: sexual content. [not as bad as it will be, but still…])**

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CHAPTER 10

The words made my heart flutter and made me hug him tighter. He took my hands in his, kissed me on the nose and lead me outside as the bell rang a second time, notifying that it was time to leave the building and go home.

The rain had slowed down to a peaceful drizzle, but the sun remained hidden from view. Dark clouds still lined the endless sky, which chilled the air ever so slightly, making for a rather cold rain. A streak of lightning followed by a huge clap of thunder broke the through the steady sound of rain hitting the ground and cars.

We finally made our way to the Camaro. Luke opened my door on the passenger side and made sure I was situated before he got in himself on the other side.

He put the key in the ignition and turned it. The car rumbled to life and I could hear Luke's heart beat faster. I looked at him, but his face stayed the same, obviously not wanting to show his emotions. He pulled out of the parking lot, his hands shaking slightly.

I started to feel a painful, hot lump form in my throat. It was amazing to me how one person could affect such a number of people so suddenly. I sniffled and finally smelled the interior. It smelled rather new, considering the two damp individuals sitting in it. There was another wonderful scent mixed in- cologne. Not Luke's but a different one, equally as good smelling, but very different.

Luke reached over to me and put his hand on my thigh. He started to massage gently. I laid my head back on the seat and let out a sigh. He continued working his way up gradually. I closed my eyes. His hand flew back to the wheel and he turned sharply as a another car swerved also.

My hands flew to my mouth and my eyes widened. I looked over at him. "Wasn't me! That ass was in our lane…" His breath gradually steadied. I looked back to find the other car trying, once again, a pass the one in front of it.

I grabbed his hand. He kissed mine. "I'm so sorry."

I nodded, not daring to let his hand go. He turned a few more bends and parked in his driveway. "Well… We're here. Well, part way."

"We're going to my house again…?" I looked out the window.

"Well, yeah."

"You'll be there?" I looked sideways at him.

"Of course…" He squeezed my hand slightly. "You know I'll be there for you."

"Thank you so much." I looked fully at him now. "Luke, you have no idea how much I appreciate this…"

He grinned and got out, walked around the car and opened my door, grabbing my hands again to help me up. "Well… You have no idea how much I love you, but, it'd take for ever to guess…" He kissed me passionately on the lips, closed my door, and walked with me to my house.

We arrived, and my stomach once again started to do it's normal acrobatics, but tear, I couldn't find. We walked around to the back, opened the window, and snuck in. Even though Joe's car was nowhere in sight, I still had no key to the door. We walked up stairs and shut the door behind us.

I happened so quickly, my body still wanted to remain outside the doors, but my mind wanted me to do the opposite.

Luke went over and sat on my bed. I got a pair on shorts and a T-shirt out of my dresser and changed to be more comfortable. He looked at the ground. When I finished, I sat beside him. He raised his head and stared into my eyes. His sparkled there usual beautiful golden color and I imagined mine just looking completely plain despite their brightness.

"You're beautiful…" He said lowly.

I looked down at myself, was he blind? There was no beautiful feature about me, there never would be even if I tried. I hid my shyness behind a barely visible smile.

"You are…" He tilted my head up slightly and pushed my hair out of my face. He put his hand back down.

"Are you sure you're seeing reality?" I mumbled.

"… I have papers to prove I'm perfectly sane…?"

"I'm not… Me being who I am, I don't really even deserve you…"

"Well, you have me… And I'm not going anywhere. I do hope you don't plan on that anytime soon…"

The room was dark, but he seemed, to me, the brightest thing in the room. He was suddenly the only thing in the world I could think about. I situated myself to sit on my knees as close to him as I possibly could. My mouth watered as I bit my lower lip. My want for him was as strong as it ever was and I continued to stare into his eyes knowing that I would give in soon.

He grinned slightly. I sat up a little straighter and leaned forward. His lips pressed against mine, hesitantly at first then more confidently as he added tongue instead of lips. He laid me on my back, still kissing, and slid on top of me. His body was pressed very tightly against mine. My arms wrapped around his neck as I continued kissing him. I raised my body up slightly and his hands went under my back. He slid my shirt off and started half kissing half sucking my neck. I moaned and tilted my head back more.

Waking up to a dark room yet again was fine with me, but I didn't feel like actually getting up. I felt Luke's arm around my waist and he was breathing into my hair. He let out a tired breath saying to me that he was awake and I turned around to look at him. My blankets touched my bare skin and I shivered a little.

"Morning."

"Good morning." He closed his eyes again. His arms remained around me.

I snuggled closer to him. "I'm cold…"

"Not wearing any clothes might get you there…" He slid his hands up my back and grinned.

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see it. I got up and took a shirt off of my floor. I pulled it on. It was more baggy then I expected. I looked in the mirror then back at Luke. _He wouldn't mind. _I looked at the clock and sighed. School didn't start for another hour.

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What? I couldn't keep Alex and Luke mad at each other… What

_**fun **_**would that be? Again filler chapter I know I didn't have to have ALL of THAT in it (Hey I wanted to experiment a little bit… promise that not all of my stories will have a whole lot of **_**stuff **_**in it), but it will be useful to the story later on… What do you think? Hate it? Favorite character? What do you want to see happen… I'd love to put things in here that YOU as the reader would want to see… Kinda have almost everything for everybody (all kinds of readers) and in the next chapter… I'll even have a little something for… Well, you'll find that out.**

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgace.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hiiiiiiie… Ok, I know that it's been a while, but my freaking computer is so freaking jacked up it isn't funny. Wellllllll… Not the computer's fault buuuuuuuuut ok I'll say it! It was fanfiction's fault! -gasp- I won't force you to listen of this story, but! Just know it to be true, ladies and gentleman.**

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CHAPTER 11

I sat down on my carpet. Luke got up, pulled his pants on, and sat silently behind me. His fingers lightly brushed my arms. "Hey, uh, there's a thing at James's house tonight, like a viewing. I'm not going to school today…"

"… Can I stay with you?" I looked back at him, my nose practically touching his.

"I don't see why not."

"And I can go tonight?"

"I think he'd probably want you there."

"Thank you." My nose nuzzled his.

He brought his hand up to cup my face. It remained there for a moment then he dropped it into his lap as he apparently remembered the night when his best friend had been taken away from him.

I started thinking also. About that night. The look on Luke's face, the blood, each different way every boy looked at each other. I started to get an awful sickness in my stomach. I leaned forward grabbing my stomach. _Blood._ The gory scene wouldn't have been so bad coming from my imagination or from TV, but I had actually _seen_ it.

My mouth watered and my throat got a funny feeling. _Shit. _I got up and ran to the bathroom, standing over the toilet. My stomach lurched forward violently and I threw up. I remained in the same position, despite the awful taste in my mouth, to make sure my body was sane again.

I went to the sink and spit out the remainder of what my body had produced and gurgled with water.

My head fell to my hands. My eyes started watering, some feeling I had learned to accept and go along with because there was no point in fighting anymore. The droplets finally became big enough and fell down my face. Some fell to my lips and I tasted their saltiness along with the faint mint taste from Luke's mouth.

Although nowadays, I cried very often (safe to say pretty much every day), regaining composure was as troubling as it had always been. _Why me? _I licked my lips, wiped my eyes then walked back in my room.

"You ok?" He looked skeptically at me.

I paused for a while before what he said to me finally clicked in my brain. I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly to clear everything. "I'm fine…" I tried to sound more sure then I felt, "Don't worry."

He watched me cross the room to my bed as I sprawled across it, staying still, not wanting to move at all, but my hands were freezing. Of course, one would expect bitter coldness from it being November in Connecticut, and I was not at all even ready for winter.

I sighed. "Sooooo how early do you wanna get there exactly?"

He shrugged his shoulders and looked at my floor. "I won't rush you…"

I sat up and looked at the jeans he was wearing and then his bare chest. "You're not really uhh… Dressed? For said occasion…"

"If I had a shirt…?" He returned the look I had given him. I looked down at his T-shirt I had thrown on. "And neither are you…"

"You're kidding, right?"

He smiled slightly. "Of course I am… His parents would kill me if I was caught in something like that. I mean, they barely ever talked to him… But they have to at least 'care' for everybody else's sake."

The room fell silent and I wondered if he was kidding or not, but my mind forced me to say that every word he said was one hundred percent true.

I walked over to my closet and pulled the dressiest outfit I had out not letting Luke see it. I folded it and took a pair of stockings out of my drawer. I took Luke's shirt off and put a tank shirt on then grabbed his hand and drug him out the door.

We walked to his house hand in hand and very close together. He lead me to the door and opened it. Walking in, I remembered the last time I had entered the rather friendly household. I still had so much on my mind, of course, not as much as I was burdened with carrying now- But it seemed like way to much to even want to think about at the time. And James, the look on his face every time Luke and his mother would show affection towards the other, the pure desire his eyes longed for, but knew it was to much to even think about. Of course, in actuality, that time wasn't far away at all, and yet in less then two days it had left the memories of all by one incident… One incident that never had to happen.

We followed the hallway to the only dark room in the entire house. I unlaced our fingers and sat down on his bed with my arms wrapped around one of his pillows. He scoffed slightly and looked in his closet. He pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans. He held them up and showed me then smiled hopefully. I shook my head and walked over to look.

He moved out of the way and let me search for an outfit. I sighed and opened my eyes uncertain of what exactly I would see. I wasn't exactly sure what I was expecting but it wasn't even close to what my mind had set it up to be. Of course, it was all back, but there was splashes of an occasional dark blue or red. It was shockingly organized with shirts on one side and pants on the other along with coats and jackets on the wall when you first looked in. His shoes were on a shelf at the top.

I looked back at him. He was staring at the ceiling acting as if he was whistling something rocking back and forth on his heals. I pulled a T-shirt and a tuxedo jacket out, thrust them in his arms and looked for some pants. I finally settled on a pair of black skinny jeans. "This is as dressed down as you can be."

He pondered for a moment.

"Or…-" I held up a plain white dress shirt and tried to picture it on him.

His eyes widened as he shook his head violently. He then proceeded to lift his shirt and get dressed. I hesitated momentarily, biting my lower lip looking at his stomach and chest. I closed my eyes and swayed back and forth breathing lightly thinking about everything about him.

I exited my trance and, looking into his golden eyes, slid back to his bed where my clothes were. I decided to get dressed, no matter how hard today would be. There would be tears, yes, but not only sadness would fill every hall, every staircase, every door way. I didn't want to face the bitter truth, but hatred, too, would be stirred about. _Nobody's death should be that way, it doesn't really matter WHO you were… NOBODY'S death should be like that. _

I snuck into his bathroom to be alone for a few minutes. I didn't really _want _to be alone, just a little time not to be crowded by a thousand emotions at once. I was comfortable around Luke, he just did things that made my stomach flutter with lust, eagerness to at least have his gentle touch, mixed with the throbbing sadness of James and my mother.

My hands clutched the dress I was to wear. I owned no other dressy thing but that, and it's full purpose was for the occasion of someone's death. Truth be told, I never expected that I would need for the funerals I was to be attending.

I laid my outfit out to get a final look at it. It wasn't much… But it was about all I could come up with. It was about a knee-length spaghetti-strap black dress, nothing "elegant" or "extravagant", nor "plain" and "thoughtless". I added some black and white striped stockings and my beat up high tops.

I sighed and started to get ready.

Once fully clothed, I turned to the mirror to examine how ugly my creation had turned out to be. _Sigh. _It would have to do. It didn't look _horrible _I guess, just not anything for the dressiness everybody else would be going for.

I opened the door and walked back into his room to find him lying down on his bed staring at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. I walked around to the other side and slid on top of him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. He chuckled and with each crest of the sound, a warm breath rustled in my hair. I looked up at him still clinging to his body. He kissed me nose. He made me want him so badly, but the time and the situation we were in, I figured he wouldn't let me.

He looked down at me and tilted his head. His one hand left the back of his head and ran down my back. He lifted the bottom of my dress up so his smooth skin could rub my legs. His finger ran across both of them and he smiled. I rolled my eyes, got up off of him and held my arms out, letting his eyes scan my body.

He got up and put his hands on my waist. He looked down at me again and pulled me close, pushing my waist against his. I let out an amused breath and he kissed me.

I licked my lips and we each took the others hand, ready to leave. He stopped in front of a mirror, though, and pulled me in front of him with his arms around my waist. I put my head downward not wanting to look. "Mhmm… That is most defiantly a dress."

I grinned slightly and tilted my head for another kiss and he parted his lips and pressed them to my mouth. His tongue soon found its way between my lips and danced around with mine. I broke the kiss looking for a way to breathe. I sighed "Are you ready?"

"You had to break the moment with that?"

"I know how much you want to go to that viewing… I don't want to hold you back from anything." I told him wrapping my arms tightly around him and laying my head on his chest.

"You're not holding me back from anything, and I don't mind that you did that, I just…-" He put his head down and paused for a minute. He took an uneasy breath. "I just don't want to remember."

He finished the sentence quickly. I didn't know exactly what to say. He must have sensed my uneasiness, at that time, he put an arm around me opened his bedroom door, and walked down the hallway. We stopped in the living room when Luke's mother saw us.

"You're going, honey?" She walked over to us and looked into his eyes sympathetically.

He opened his mouth, starting to say something before closing it again and mumbled an "Mhmm…"

His mom's eyes were cast down and she stepped forward to embrace her son in a warm and sympathetic hug. "I'm so sorry, Luke"

"Will I expect to see you there?" He managed to struggle out.

"You shall. I will pay my respects, he was an amazing young man."

He smiled as she pulled away. "That he was."

She turned to me then and pulled me into a warm hug. She whispered to me. "Stay on your toes, love." She pulled away and moved to the side. We walked past her and I snuck her a confused look before she disappeared behind the front door pane as we turned outside.

James's car sat in the driveway plainly, but it was still bright with emotion. He walked me over to the passenger side and opened the door for me, closing it when I had gotten in, then he got in. He started it and threw me a CD case. "I hope he's in here right now." He backed out and onto the road.

I looked through James's many CDs and put one into the player. Strong heavy metal music blasted from the speakers and Luke's tense body relaxed. He rested his arm on the center console and held his hand out. I gently put mine in his and he tightened his grip.

"Lucky" for us, the funeral home wasn't very far away from Luke's house and we got there in no time. He slowed down and pulled into the parking lot. He parked and I could hear his heart beat as was mine.

"I don't want to do this, Alex…" He said and I could tell that today would be worse then hell.

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I know, I know! It sucks! But I shall have you know that the next chapter is sexy annnnnnnnd sexy annnnnnnd… Well better then the rest ok! Comment! Tell me hi! Tellll me… What you want to see happen… Ummm Who's your favorite character? Who you wanna see die next? Mwahaha! Ummmmmmz… Tell me what you like… What you hate…(?)

**Until next time my good people!**

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hiiiiiiie! LifesDisgrace here with a brand new chapter to my most popular story! -.- Chapter 12... Enjoy.**

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CHAPTER 12

Walking into a funeral home… Hmmm… Well the first thing you smell are the many flowers clashing together, fighting over who will be the most powerful sent. You feel the bitter cold of the building. And the people crowding around in the room of the body.

I wanted so badly to take Luke's hand and walk back out, but of course, I couldn't. I felt a hand grab mine firmly but gently. Painfully, but happily. I looked down to see white knuckles leading into long fingers intertwined with mine, still delicately, but very tightly.

He tugged me to the side out of the doorway and wrapped me in a hug. His fingers dug into my back and I could tell I wasn't getting away for a while. But this I didn't mind. I shifted a little and put my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. I felt his quivering breath in my hair

I looked towards the viewing room. There were people, yes, but not as many as a normal funeral. They didn't appear… To know anything. It seemed as if they were mourning over the loss of a _child _rather then for _James._

Seeing this made my heart sink and I buried my head in Luke's chest. "It's not supposed to go like that, Luke…" I said behind tears.

I felt his head shake and he held me tighter.

He turned me around with his hands on my waist and ushered me to a side room.

I sat on a couch and he did the same, sitting extremely close to me with his elbows on his knees and his head downward. "I'm so sorry, Alex…"

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by it, but before I could say anything back, a girl's voice interrupted our conversation. "Luke! Oh my gosh, Luke, thank god you're here.!" Her voice was sad, full of hurt, a voice who's owner you wanted to hug right then and there.

"Stormy!" Luke's head shot up and he peeled himself off of the couch.

She wrapped him in a friendly hug and he returned it, apparently finding some form of comfort in her arms.

They pulled away and I stood up to meet the girl whom I had never seen.

Luke pulled me close, with his arm around me and I stared at his hand on my right shoulder. "Alex, this is Stormy… Well… Bridgett… She's… James's sister."

I finally looked at her. She was pretty… Very pretty to say the least. Her blue eyes were beautiful, despite the redness from crying. Her shiny black hair was teased at the top and flat ironed at the bottom. Her features were defined. Black attire made them stand out on her face perfectly.

She spoke up, "Twin sister…" She added sadly. She looked at the ground. A tear fell down onto the carpet.

"No, no, no, Stormy, don't do that to yourself." His hand left my shoulder and he pulled her close. "Just don't."

She pulled away and wiped her eyes. "Go see him… You couldn't live with yourself either…" She grabbed our hands and pulled.

"Stormy, I can't…" He continued to let her pull him, but one could tell he was regretting it.

"You're here aren't you? You're gonna have to do it sometime." She said.

Luke opened his mouth to say something, but admitted defeat by bowing his head and walking with Stormy instead of resisting slightly.

We entered the viewing room and my body ached. People were staring at us and I could feel the heat of their gaze, but we kept walking.

Our escort stopped at the line of the chairs' end. She looked from me to Luke and back again, repeating many times. She then stepped to the side and let us pass.

Walking to an open coffin… Your heart feels as if it will jump out of your chest. You look at the flowers, because you can't see a body until you are leaning over it. You recall what part of his or her life you were. You remember the bad times and feel guilty about them. And you remember the last time you saw a smile curl on their lips and think about yourself, then, not knowing it _would_ be the last.

Luke's hand grabbed mine and we made a final step to the coffin.

I looked down at him. He had a black suit on with a purple tie. He was so still, every once in a while, it looked as if he was moving. His skin was so fair and pale when he was alive, it looked as if he were only sleeping. He looked beautiful… Peaceful. There wasn't anymore torment for him.

Luke's left hand raised and he traced the edges of the purple tie with his fingers. "That's just wrong…" He whispered. "They shouldn't do that…"

"Luke…?" I turned my head towards him, but kept my eyes fixed on James.

"Yes?" He kept his head and eyes down.

"I get that Stormy and James are… Were twins and all… But why did she get emotional about it?"

"Wouldn't you?" A tear traveled down his cheek.

I didn't reply.

"They share the same birthday… It just so happens that day is tomorrow…"

"December 24..." My eyes widened.

"A day before Christmas also… They'd be 16."

A tear fell down my cheek and I bit my bottom lip. I whispered lowly to myself. "He didn't even get to see his 16th birthday…"

My stomach churned and my heart knotted.

Luke's fingers slid off of the tie and traveled roughly across what looked to be a piece of paper. He tilted it and squinted his eyes. His arm tensed. He took my hand firmly and dragged me to a room, grabbing Stormy also, before isolating us.

"Why is his tie purple?" He held his forefinger with his thumb, seeming to try to pop it; his voice, only letting what he wanted people to hear, but his eyes said more things that I couldn't decode.

The other girl almost took a step forward, but decided not to and dropped back on her heel. Her head fell down to face the floor again, looking intrigued by jabbing the toe of her shoe into one of the flowers on the carpet.

Shoes sounded as soft fabric carpet squished below feet. "There you are!" A voice spoke aloud.

Two boys picked their pace up and stood beside Stormy, one on either side. "We knew you would be here."

I looked. One of them appeared to be the same boy whom I had seen at school. No hat covered his face, now, so I could see every feature, but his acid green eyes and pained appearance remained untouched. He had a natural red tint to his lips. He wore a sleek black suit and a red tie. He looked rather nice, but his dirty converses and swooped, choppy hair gave the elegant look an edge; the two concepts were perfectly balanced. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides.

The other one was missing a jacket. His white dress shirt was cuffed to his elbows and two buttons at the bottom were unbuttoned, half of the shirt tucked into his pants, the other half out. He was skinny, but muscular, and the tallest of the three. His converses were laced with black and white checkered laces. His hair was not very short, but then again, not at all long either. It was flat ironed and messy; and he had beautiful brown eyes. His ears sported a bar and middle sized (but on the smaller side) gauges. His bottom lip, having two silver studs near the middle.

Luke didn't appear to be amused. He took a breath. "The tie…" His eyes traveled back to Stormy. He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.

She gritted her teeth and tried to lean her head down far enough for her bangs to cover her face.

Frustration arose in his voice and his eyes rolled to his right to look at the smallest boy. "Adam?" The name was breathy.

The boy stepped forward a little and he shifted uncomfortably. His expression changed to a loving, uneasy one. "Luke…-" He stopped mid-sentence and decided to keep it that way. He looked at the other two for assistance or guidance.

The other stepped beside Adam and held his arm almost protectively. "Luke, you know exactly why." His voice was almost a snapping whisper behind his teeth.

Luke's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Spencer…" He looked at him, "… No…"

Spencer remained silent.

Luke shook his head again, "I thought there would be more to it…" He looked at one of the walls, "There just _has _to be."

Stormy spoke, "We thought it would leave him at peace… He loved her, Luke."

Luke raised his voice. She jumped when he spoke. "But does it leave _you _at peace! She's gone, Stormy! He's gone!…" He stopped for a moment thinking about what he had said. "Gone!"

An awkward silence filled the space, but Luke broke it again, "You don't need to honor what they had in death… Why can't you see that…" He mumbled. "Why can't you just let it be." He looked at all of them. He turned and began walking out of the room. "Just… Let it be."

Adam's old expression was once again back on his face. Stormy was leaning against Spencer in an embrace only a sibling could bring about. All of them were staring at the doorway in which Luke had left.

I looked at all three of them over and back again. I was confused and worried, and my body managed to follow out in search of Luke.

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Ummmm…. Soooo… Yeah. Chapter 12. Yay! No more filler chapters from here on out! I think… -.- Oh well… This chapter is filled with clues and a little thing called FORESHADOWING. Erm… *cough* Maybe… Damn.. Don't judge me! Let's just say that it's probably one of the most meaningful chapters in this piece of writing. Sooo tell me… Favorite character, now that you have been introduced to more? Comments? Questions? Ummm… What do you think about the characters? What might you like to see happen? REVIEW, please?


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13... Erm… Enjoy.**

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I turned a bend that I thought Luke had taken and found myself in a maze of rooms and hallways. I kept going, mostly out of curiosity, for I knew Luke most likely wasn't down this way.

The hallways were dimly lit and the rooms I looked into were pitch black. There was a red carpet lining the floors of the hallway, allowing not even a scruff from my shoes. The silence was eerie.

I turned another corner and no longer had the heaviness of being alone. Someone _had _to be close. The vibes were much different from Luke's. The uneasiness was killing me, but, as always, my curiosity got the best of me and I kept walking,

The feeling that someone else was with me was stronger then ever now and a dim light from on room flooded through the doorway and mixed with the hallway's light.

I snuck below the window of that room, tried to slow my breathing, and listened.

There was defiantly a suction-like noise, almost like lips separating; here and there a sigh or gasp was apparent.

I finally got enough gut to face what it was. I inhaled a deep breath and stepped into the doorway.

Looking down quickly, the first thing I saw was a black leather jacket, carelessly thrown there, one of the arms was even inside out. I furthered my eyes along the floor and saw a bright red T-shirt on top of a purple jacket. Further along, my eyes focused on a black and red shirt.

They traveled up more to reveal two bodies presses tightly together. The lighting was horrible, casting dark shadows that seemed to change as they moved against each other. I could tell, though, that one had light hair, the other one, darker hair. The light haired one was violently pushed up on a desk they were leaning on, bending at the waist backwards as the darker haired one kissed him harder. He situated his waist a little off of the other one's and playfully rubbed his fingers across the zipper.

The larger of the two, the dark haired one, moved down to the other's neck. One's face was in the perfect position now. I gasped.

Both of them pulled away from each other. Deven stared at me with his dark eyes and Jackson jumped slightly and attempted the cover his bare chest with his hands. "Holy crap, Alex!" He yelled.

I felt cheeks go from bitter cold to a sweat causing hotness. Deven's eyes bored holes into me. I wanted so badly to just run away at that point, but I also wanted to confront him. I took possibly the only chance I would ever get.

"Is this all a joke to you?" I yelled. It was hard to keep my voice at the same pitch, due to both anger and sadness, but I tried as hard as I could, not giving Deven the slightest opening to get into and manipulate my mind.

He raised an eyebrow and for the first time, I saw innocence in his gaze. "What a joke?"

"All of this, Deven!" I spread my arms and pointed through walls to the viewing room. "There are people hurting right now, and here you are… Just ignoring it all!." I wasn't letting all of my anger out, but at least some was gradually fading.

Deven's eyes became serious, no longer a playful look that seemed to say "Gotcha." He tilted his head and moved closer to me, "What kind of shit has that 'dearly beloved' ass hole of a boyfriend you have stuffed your head with?"

I looked further then him, at Jackson, who was staring at the two of us. I half mumbled half whispered, "I've seen enough…"

Deven made a laugh and a scoff in one noise. "Please…" He stretched it out. He looked to the side, his face was almost deep in thought. Then he turned back to me. "I'm marked as it is… To avoid conflict, I'm in here. I don't know about you, but I'm not all that crazy about the whole 'death at a funeral' thing."

I thought about everything he was saying, trying to find deeper meaning in it.

He sighed, not aggravated, but a friendly sigh, like he was confessing something. "Look, you can check every possible angle in that whole freakin' garage… I did not kill James."

I sniffled and licked my dry lips. "But there's no proof to suggest other wise…" I ended the sentence doubted, almost leaving it a question only for myself.

"Blood, a body, two witnesses… Against a grudge holding pretty boy and his girlfriend… Maybe even the siblings and whoever else wants to stick their noses into business that isn't their own, but them, too, are only going by what the" He gasped. "Pretty boy and his girlfriend" He stretched that out acting like I would catch on and say it with him. "Tell them." He continued. "Of course they won't believe two teenage boys, right? Even though it is a fact that we _do _have evidence, therefore proving it all…" He bit his lip. Another first, he looked sympathetic, caring. "But nobody believes what they want to believe. They would rather not use their brains and do the most idiotic thing anybody could ever do… _Care._"

I whispered lowly. "I don't get it…" I backed up.

"Maybe you would understand if you knew what that boy went through. I wouldn't be guilty in your eyes… That's why Luke's in the state of mind he's currently in. He wants someone to blame, but he knows the truth." His eyes became dark and piercing again.

I stared at him and gradually backed out of the room. Once far enough out, I ran. I ran through the hallways I had been through and made a few extra turns also. I kept moving forward, but was looking back and found myself hit something. Arms wrapped around me and I heard breathing.

I too was breathing extremely fast from running and the arms held me tighter, "What's wrong, love?"

I heard the words and held Luke so tightly. I started crying. "Just…" I paused and listened to his heart beat for a while. "Just hold me…"

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Soooo… How'd you like it? Ummm… Like it? What would you like to see happen? Of course, I have already written some ahead, but I will gladly alter it a little for what you would like. 'Cause I'm awesome like that ^_^

**REVIEW, please?**

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	14. Chapter 14

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**Errr… This one's more on the short side, but it's still chapter 14... Ummm enjoy.**

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Chapter 14

I woke up on the same couch me and Luke had been sitting on when I first saw Stormy. I was curled up on one end, my head on his lap. He was leaning on the back of it, eyes nearly closed, simply stroking my hair.

I turned myself on my back to look up at his tired, but still beautiful, face.

He widened his eyes, but his eyelids remained in the same place. He mumbled happily, "Hey, sleepy head."

I grinned mournfully. "That's coma head to you, butt wipe." I repeated James from when we were in the kitchen.

He smiled and chuckled a little. He stroked my cheek softly and lazily as he closed his eyes for a little bit, laying his head back, and inhaling deeply.

I stared at the ceiling, triumphant that I had got a smile out of him.

"It's over, Alex…"

I looked back at him, his head was still back on the top of the couch and he mumbled as he spoke. "What over, Luke?"

His head shook and he mumbled again. "It's over…"

I finally got the basis of what he was saying and tried to help by giving him hope. "It's not over, Luke… It never will be…"

He nodded. "Oh, yes it is. He will be forgotten after a week… Now I'm stuck with what he didn't finish." He said it as if it was seemingly that way.

"James will never _ever _be forgotten. He _will _live, Luke… You've _got _to believe that."

He sighed. "Let's just go…" He said shortly.

"Are you sure?" I asked, seeing his face finally which was deep in thought and unsure eyes.

He nodded. "Mhmm…"

I sat up and got off of the couch. Luke followed behind me and took my hand in his. He took one look back at the casket before holding the door for me and followed out, heading for James's black Camero.

Once again, Joe's car was not in my driveway, but Luke still parked in his. We made our usual routine until we were in my room. I closed the door behind me and turned to look back at Luke.

He was laying on the bottom of my bed, legs hanging over the edge. One arm was stretched out, while the other one lay intersecting his side, his hand on his stomach. His hair was drenched from the rain outside.

I sat beside him and stared at my wall. I fell backwards into the same position Luke was in. We both stared up at my white ceiling.

I wanted to stay right where I was, but decided that I would take a shower before I got too comfortable. I got up, getting my necessary things. I looked at Luke, who was now sitting up watching me with innocent eyes; he nodded and I shut the bathroom door behind me.

I envied the warm water as it caressed my aching body and almost soothed my headache. I had never gotten a headache before, but thought nothing of it. I got out, got dressed, blow dried and flat ironed my hair, then stepped into my room.

The lights were off, but there was a circle of light where three lit candles were placed beside my bed. I looked around suspiciously for Luke and as if on cue, he walked through the door with two cups of a steaming liquid. He spotted me and grinned, the candle light glowing on his face. He carried the cups and set them by the candles. I raised an eyebrow and smiled at him, sitting down on one side. He sat across from me looking into my eyes.

I felt myself blush from the lighting and the way he looked at me. My heart yearned for him to at least smile again. I hid the bottom half of my face with the cup, breathing in the steam. It happened to be tea, making me feel so much better. Before Joe, my mother would always bring me hot tea when I felt bad, the soothing scent and warmth cured anything.

He sniffed and breathed out, almost like the beginning signs of a cold, but not exactly. "Alex," He squinted into the candle's flame and then looked back up to me. "I'm just so sorry…"

I was guessing he was bringing the conversation he almost started at the funeral, but I was still confused about what he could possibly be apologizing about. "About what, Luke?"

He bit his lip easily. "Everything…" He crossed his legs and grabbed the handle of his cup twirling it around. "I dragged you into everything… All of my problems… Now you're a part of it…"

"But…" I sighed and tried to think of a way to prove what I was going to say. I scooted around the candles and wrapped my arms around him, putting my head on his shoulder. I could feel that his hair was still adequately wet. "Luke… I _want _to be a part of it… A part of _you…" _I corrected myself. "Every part of you…" I shook my head. "There's nowhere else I would _ever _rather be then is in your arms… _With _you." I finished by looking up at him and smiling an embarrassed, innocent, half second grin.

He smiled and leaned in close to my face. "Why do you make me love you?" He said playfully between teeth. He kissed my nose.

I leaned up and kissed his lips. He gave an irresistible half smile and laid back on the floor. I laid in front of him, feeling his welcoming arms hold me close to him. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain pounding on the roof and his heart beat as his chest expanded and collapsed against my back.

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My favorite drink ^^^ Hot tea. It solves everything. Luvs it. Uhhhh… Sooooo Wow… I don't have anything to say really… I normally have authors notes longer then the whole freakin' chapter… Err… Hate to break that record. REVIEW. Tell me about what you like, what you dislike, what you want to see happen, what you don't want to see happen. Wow, that's it

**Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sooooo… My twinn begged enough and she was good aaaallll dayyy for this xD chapterrr 15, filler until I can get the next chapter uppp enjoy**

CHAPTER 15

Instead of the floor, I woke up on my bed, blankets wrapped around me, and snuggled in Luke's arms. I was surprised that I was actually awake first. I laid there thinking about what to do; I wanted it to be special, not that I really had an idea of how to make it _special_. No school could be a start.

I wiggled out of Luke's grasp, controlling my movements, making them not like my normal lazy dragging, and walked to the window, checking for Joe's car, to see what exactly I was limited to do. It wasn't in the driveway - Again.

Satisfied with what I _didn't _see, I opened my door quietly. I looked again at Luke. He was on his side, breathing steadily and silently; it wasn't the typical slumber of a teenage boy, but it made him seem even more angelic. I smiled at the thought of him and James, together, goofing off again. I looked up as if seeing past the roof and the thick sheet of dark clouds, "Happy birthday, James." I laughed a nervous laugh at the sudden image of me doing what I just did.

I walked down stairs into the kitchen and found myself staring down at an empty counter top. The kitchen was still actually very clean, but plates were piled densely in the sink.

I looked in the refrigerator. _Eggs. _I pulled the milk out and smelled it. I gagged and quickly poured it in the sink, keeping my face away from it. I made a look of annoyance and settled on omelets and hot chocolate.

When I finished and set the table up just right, I decided to wake Luke up.

I walked upstairs quietly. I smiled to myself when I saw him, still in the same position, still peaceful. I walked over and climbed on the bed softly, and laid hugging him from behind, head on his right shoulder. I kissed his cheek softly.

He breathed out and turned on his back. He grinned and looked skeptically at me, "You ok?" He felt my forehead.

I stared at him.

He took his hand away and slanted his smile. "Ok then… Guess I should be getting ready, then?"

I figured he was talking about school. "Screw it…"

He grinned, "Oh really?" His grin became a smile and he turned on his side to face me.

My heart started beating, "Really. I want today to be about you… I'll just try not to mess it up."

Luke's face suddenly turned rather stern, "Alex, I just woke up to the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me… It's already wonderful."

I smiled a little and gave him a peck on the lips. He pulled me close and kissed me back. I broke the kiss, raising an eyebrow and looking at him, "Breakfast, Luke?"

He mouthed "Ooooh." And sat up, sliding out of my bed. He held his hand out and I grabbed it cheerfully, walking down to the kitchen for breakfast.

He sat at one seat and started jabbing at the omelet with his fork, his other hand holding his head up. I sat down across from him and watched him, indifferent, "It's all we had."

He grinned, "Nah… It's fine." He cut it with his fork and took a bite. He smiled in approval.

I smiled and stared down at my plate.

"Sooo… What exactly did you have planned?"

I looked up and tilted my head up, thinking. I shrugged my shoulders.

He nodded in approval again and took another bite.

"Merry Christmas eve…" He smiled at me hopefully.

I smiled again and nodded. "You too."

He looked distant for a moment and went back to eating.

I watched him eat, not finding a single spot in my stomach to make me hungry, which was weird I guess, but then again, I was used to not eating breakfast.

I spoke up after my few minutes of thinking; my voice broke the uneasy silence, and hearing my voice being so loud, it wobbled in and out of pitch from uneasiness. "We could uhh… Just walk around town for the day… Sucks that it's Christmas eve… We really can't _go _anywhere."

He smiled, "I'd like that."

"Stormy can tag along if you want her to…" I offered. I didn't want to forget what this day was about.

"Nah," He said again, "Today's just you and me. Nobody else." He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm.

I grabbed our plates, set them near the sink and stood beside the table, my fingers absentmindedly tracing the grain in the wood. I bit my lip. "Guess I'll get dressed then…"

He grinned and raised an eyebrow. "Is that an invitation?"

I rolled my eyes, turning around suddenly so I could hide my rapidly blushing cheeks. It was accompanied with the heat that always flows down your body and I struggled to make my way to the cream - coloured carpeted stair leading to my bedroom.

I felt the presence of him behind me and I started to feel a soothing yet unnerving pulsation start within my head, working its way down slowly. I continued up the stairs stopping and turning my head so he could see a mischievous grin curve at my lips before I escaped the heaviness into my room, closing the door behind me.

I heard him continue up the stairs even though his steps were still light and soft as they always were. And then I felt it - the door knob moved slightly under my hand and started turning slowly. I moved against the wall that would be hidden when the door would open and let go of the golden knob.

The door swung open just enough for him to side in without trying too hard. As he walked past me, I saw a smirk plastered on his face as he apparently saw me of felt my presence beside him. His back was still turned to me when he reached the center of the room, remaining there perfectly still except for the faint rise and fall of his shoulders as he was breathing.

I then stepped out silently from my spot behind the door, jumping on his back before he had the chance to comprehend what was happening. He stepped forward to balance himself as he caught me and he walked over to my bed, laying me down on it. I let go and he laid beside me, both of us facing the other. He laid his hand below my chest flat and then lowered it, bending his hand back straight until his middle finger tip laid just below my bellybutton. He smirked again, staring down at his hand. "You know, we don't really have to go anywhere today…"

I grabbed his wrist and stared into his golden eyes. "Well, we don't _have_ too, but…"

Luke swallowed the hope he had of having few day old wounds and past wounds being opened back up. "You want to know about him…"

"I'm just curious, Luke… I don't like being left in the dark. You've lightened my world so much… Don't make it dark again, please…" I pleaded, practically begging him for whatever I could have… Begging him to hurt again.

"No, I understand, love… Don't worry." He smiled beautifully, which wasn't at all hard for him, just the over all action of happiness being in the same vicinity.

I sat up and hung my legs over the edge of my bed and he turned over on his back, his stomach slightly peeking from under his shirt as his arms made their way behind his head. "Promise."

"I promise." He inhaled and then exhaled slowly after a few seconds. "Someone has to know his story."

I stood up and stretched, quickly getting dressed and grabbing a jacket. Luke stood and followed me out and back down the stair, through the kitchen and out the door.

I didn't question his actions when he got in James' black mustang and revved the engine, simply followed and waiting until Luke was ready to start telling me everything. Didn't question when he drove only up the road to a nature park with the big pond and the somewhat bright yet scary forest beside it.

He parked in the empty parking lot and turned the keys back slowly silencing the beautiful purring of the engine. He laid his head back and turned it a bit to look at me and then back at the empty field he sighed then and like a light switch perked up, not cheerfully, but not at all depressed. "Well…" He said pulling the silver handle of the car. "I guess we'll start here."

**Like it, hate it, love it? Again filler… Yadda yadda, you know the rest… Next chapter? James' passtt mwahaha REVIEW pretty pleassee ^_^**

**Thanks xP LifesDisgrace.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 ^_^ … Err… Be sure to read the bottom note as well afterwards or when you see the stars within the story, they'll explain a few words ^_^**

**Enjoy.**

CHAPTER 16

I was surprised when my shoes weren't completely consumed by the ground as Luke and I stepped from the concrete to the bright green grass of the field. The air too was surprising. It was rather warm for it being winter in one of the most northern states in the U.S. but it did turn fairly cool when the wind blew the dark clouds further in our direction.

I let Luke guide the way, down to a lonely bench in front of the pond. He sat and I curled up beside him, burring my head on his shoulder, holding his arm close to my body. I felt warm against him, but the atmosphere around him wasn't the one that I had come to adore… It was still there, but something conquered it. Something uninviting, that made me want to let go, but I couldn't bring myself to do such a thing.

It might have been something about his posture and the way he held himself, which was completely different from the normal Luke. But we remained in silence and I waited for him to speak, not finding it in my heart to rush him along.

"It's a beautiful spot to spend the last hours you have with the love of your life…" He started. "I suppose if I had a choice, this would be it."

I held him tighter, feeling nothing but worry enter every part of my body. "Luke…"

I felt a hand on my cheek and looked up to see pearly white teeth in the best fake smile he could manage. "No love, not me. I have something to live for…" His smile turned nervous and his expression was all of a sudden apologetic. "I was kinda starting my story."

All of my terrible feelings left at once and, for a moment, my stomach felt awful but it left as quickly as it had appeared and I was left once again with just myself and Luke. "I'm sorry." I put my head back on his shoulder.

"It's fine." He made a sound like an exasperated laugh. "I shouldn't have started it that way."

I smiled but didn't look at him, waiting for him to continue again.

He sighed for a minute and put a comforting arm around me, trying to regulate his posture out, but his arm was stiff and he sat awkwardly. "This is where he was the night his life went back to hell."

"We met at a kindergarten orientation. He was four empty seats away from what appeared to at least his mother and a man… They all looked like her. He was sitting on the desk that his older brother sat at with the other two in his lap. He was dangling his feet, turning around quickly every so often when his sister poked his back." I thought he had almost started smiling at the memory. "I was beside them, trying to laugh silently at the only interesting to watch at the whole meeting. They seemed like the perfect group of siblings. He turned towards me after a while and smiled back at me - didn't do a thing the rest of the orientation but he remembered me the first day of school and we had been friends since.

"One day when we had free time, I had allowed myself to remember back to that orientation… The four kids all together more than ten feet away from their parents. Me, being the ignorant little shit I was, asked him about it. 'They hate me.' was all he said. It was plain too… With no emotion. Which now if you look back at it coming from a five year old, it's heartbreaking.

"His father had left them when he was two and his mother had resorted to drinking and working at places she wasn't allowed to tell them about; 'mommy keeps bringing home strange men.' He would say in his innocent little voice, not looking up from his drawing like it was a completely normal part of his life.

"When he would talk about Spencer, his older brother, it was always like a boy that was talking about his father even though they weren't even three years apart." My thoughts wandered momentarily to the funeral, to the three teenagers that Luke had yelled at over a tie. It was not at all hard to tell their place in time, not put a name to their memorable faces. "He would always go on about the things he had taught him and the lessons he had learned. When I had asked about his real father, he had said that they were the reason his father had left them, like it had been pounded in his head so many times before, so much in fact that it had just become another routine part of life to say normally and without emotion, and for a while, I had believed it too. Now I wonder if it was just another drunken lie that his mother had fed them just before she decided to lay on her back for yet another man.

"I don't think, as much as James so fondly thought about Spencer, that he ever had his idolization; No, he never did -" He smiled. "that place had already been taken by his younger brother, Adam, who was only a year old when their father had left. Adam had always idolized James too, maybe because James was more understanding, calm and relatable? But all the rest respected Adam more… He was the innocence that they needed to remind them that there wasn't only bad things in the world. He matured quickly and come to understand things more and more, as they all had too, and they eventually just had to look at him and remember back… And that's all they had."

He situated his arm around me and held me tighter. I scooted even closer to him. He wasn't so tense anymore, but he certainly wasn't completely calm either.

"But enough of the boring descriptions and pity past stories, I guess I'll move to several years later and a few years back… Of course, there's always a girl." He nudged me with his shoulder and I couldn't help but to show a cheesy smile.

"Twelve year olds aren't supposed to fall in love, but when Adrea transferred to our school, James was dumbfounded. He knew he was crazy, but he chased her until she noticed him, and they were inseparable since. Everyone loved her… Spencer, Stormy, Adam, and even myself, even if there was no approval, it wouldn't have effected much. She was his ray of sunshine and his biggest downfall.

"He had never given his heart away before, not had it even wandered without him, but Adrea had no problem venturing into uncharted territory and staying where no one had gone before… But he shouldn't have let her because it would have been the biggest mistake of his life.

"It seems longer than three months, but that's when it happened, September 21st… They were here - their favorite spot. They had fallen asleep and it was around midnight when they finally left. He always had to be home before 11 because that's when his mother got him and started raising hell if one of them was absent, but he wasn't speeding him. He swore that an 18-wheeler had come down the road in the wrong lane, but there was no proof to suggest anything… He swerved off the road and that's all anybody could go on.

"I got a call from Stormy that night… 'There's been an accident.' She said, 'James has two broken bones and a minor concussion.' Something told me not to ask about Adrea, but I did. There was a long pause and I could tell she was trying to keep her composure. 'She's gone, Luke.' She said… She told me not to go to the hospital, that it would just upset him more… It was everything I had not to go.

"Police were the only ones that didn't believe him… At her funeral, her family was still so respectful towards him and have still remained to treat him like one of their own. I pulled him outside there after a bit when I knew he couldn't handle much more. He immediately broke down and started cursing himself in French. 'Merde.' 'Je ne puex croire ce qui s'est passé.' 'Baiser, baiser, baiser…'** (***) **I tried to calm him, only succeeding slightly, but he was calm enough to tell me the things I didn't know:

"'Massive internal and external hemorrhaging…' His emotion was gone again, replaced by a somber, zoned out voice. 'I was driving…' He said… Gosh, I can't believe I even remember this anymore… 'It came out of nowhere… If I didn't swerve, we would have both died, but I wanted a chance, you know? That maybe I could save her… Maybe it would have been better to have stayed there… The car rolled… I think I blacked out…' You know, Alex? Maybe if he wouldn't have let him continue when he started, he wouldn't have remembered… Maybe he would still be here…"

I looked up and found Luke's golden eyes staring down at me. "No, Luke… He needed someone to tell. He would have been worse. He needed his best friend to talk to." _Maybe._

He stared ahead again and began quoting James again, like he had only heard him a few hours before. "When I came to again, my ears were ringing from the metal… The glass… Things breaking… And then all I could think about was her. I had to kick my door open and run around to the other side and force hers open. A tree branch… I came through the windshield… It hit an artery in her arm. I didn't know… She told me to take it out, but you know how persistent she was and… _I didn't know_. She asked me if being in my arms one last time was too much to ask. Did she know that she was going to die? Or do you just feel like you will when you're hurting? I wouldn't know anymore, Luke… I think I knew too. And if I was the one that killed her, I should have been the one to give her the last thing she wanted.'

"He blamed himself for everything. Everything that couldn't be helped, and he forced himself into a depression far worse than the one before it. There wasn't really anything any of us could do but sit and wait. What were we waiting for? I don't know…" He sighed. By now he was completely relaxed and his vibes were once again level, no longer menacing and heavy.

"I think you impacted him a lot too… He seemed to cheer up when he met you."

I looked up at him, giving him a strange look. Me? Impact James after all of that? Impossible…

"He wasn't selfish… He saw us… Saw that we're both happy." He smiled. "Or I hope that that's what he saw."

"Absolutely." I hugged him.

James would have been an amazing person to know… He wasn't self absorbed. He cared about anybody before he cared about himself. I strongly knew that heaven was enjoying their new angel.

"Then why'd he do it?"

Luke didn't make a face. He didn't even hang his head. "Because it was her birthday, December 22nd… That's the only explanation I can make out of it. Deven probably helped though." He got up quickly and held a hand out to me.

I looked at him, unsure of what exactly to make of that. "Luke?"

A roll of thunder sounded in the sky and his vibes turned once again. "I need to take care of something."

***** If you didn't know, or have forgotten, James. Is French. O: Amazing! Here is an overview of the words and praises he used:**

**Merde: It means "shit" or "damn" Either way, you know it's a bad word. To pronounce it, you basically say "marde" Of course with a French accent, but that what it boils down to.**

**Baiser: Means normally "kiss," here he is meaning it as "fuck" To pronounce it, you basically would say "bizy" Again, with a French accent you get the full affect, but your choice.**

**Je ne puex croire ce qui s'est passé: Means "I can not believe this happened." Pronunciation can be extremely tricky to explain so bare with me… "Je ne pu cra(ra) sekee se passE" That's the best I can describe it… :/ Of course that pronunciation can ONLY work with a strong French accent to even sound in the same vicinity as right :/ **

**REVIEW pleeaassee. Now you know about James life :/ blerrgg**

**Thanks. LifesDisgrace.**


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Quick wasn't even the right word to use in a situation like this, but some sudden realization had struck Luke and he either wanted out of there or needed to be some place else. He had my hand and I had to nearly run to keep up with his strides. He didn't appear to be angry, merely in a hurry to get somewhere fast.

We were in James' Camero now and Luke stopped to breathe. His hands gripped the steering wheel and just like that, he was a stranger, and he had never felt that way to me - maybe he was revealing his true colors… Or maybe I was too star struck to have noticed it before. But what had triggered it? Was I just imagining it?

He was accelerating well past the speed limit. My mind raced faster than the objects flying past us and getting dizzy was no chore for my body. "Luke!"

His eyes stayed on the road. He appeared to be dead set on something, which I had already established, and he was completely oblivious to anything else. I felt like I was five years old again and the lights had gone out in a movie theater, except this time, my father was not with me so that I could hold onto him… Or anyone for that matter…

"Luke, listen to me!" I wasn't exactly sure what to expect at all. He was unreadable and I was growing more frightened by the second, watching as trees and cars flew past us at an alarming speed.

At this point was the time that I had began preparing myself for anything. The atmosphere was so menacing that I was even preparing for death - my life was in his hands at that moment and if it was my time to die, there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. I had learned that much in my fifteen year life… That it didn't ever really matter where you were, who you were with, of who would grieve for you when you finally did make that journey into the unknown - if it was your turn, it was your turn, whether you were ready or not.

We had made a few turns and I clutched the sides of my seat in a feeble attempt to still my rapid heart beat… And then he stopped.

Everything was quiet except for the settling of the motor in the car, as it was apparent it wasn't used to having its driver abuse its gas pedal.

"I want you to stay here." He looked forward, his hands still on the wheel. His voice sounded distant and plain.

My heart felt as if it had been ripped out of my chest. "No!" There were ears forming in my eyes and I couldn't control the way my words came out. "Luke, I'm not leaving you!"

"This is my fight, Alex, not yours…" He opened the door, clenching his fists together. "Stay here."

I shook my head fiercely, reaching over him closing the door that he had opened as my vision blurred. I leaned in, my lips crashing into his as I kissed him out of anger and fear, tasting nothing but betrayal and salty tears.

It might have been out of pure selfishness or possibly at the fact that it felt like this would be the last time I would ever see the angel that made my hell so beautiful. And his mouth moved as hard against mine, his hands finding their way up my body to tangle into my hair. He had shut me out and he was telling me… That was the only reason his arms and lips touched me the way they did. I knew it too… What other reason would call for the tears? Why I held him in such a manner, digging my nails into his arms as if something so simple could ever keep him from going away…

He quit before I was even ready to say that I'd had enough, pulling away fast. He silently caught his breath as he looked away, letting his hands fall away from me, leaving me to feel empty again in the heavy encased space.

I tried to find some part of him that was still my Luke… The one that I had fallen in love with, but I couldn't find it anywhere. "Luke…" I could feel more tears burning inside me, not ready to let them out, but they would come whether I wanted them to of not. "Luke, please look at me!" I reached over, cupping his face with my two hands, turning it sharply so that he had no choice but to look at the stream of tears not escaping from my glassy eyes. "I love you." Maybe I just needed him to say one way of the other; to either be comported in a tender embrace of be pushed away further and turned down.

"Stay here…" He forced himself out of my grasp and hesitated before opening the door again and sliding out, slamming the door behind him. I watched his perfect figure as he walked around the brick house and disappeared behind it. And then there was silence except for the angry wind blowing against the metal vehicle.

I continued crying, eyeing the ends of the house, perhaps looking for a sign of life in such an isolated area. I began running my fingers absentmindedly around the car's interior. Then, looking up past the car roof and clouds, I tried to compose myself, holding my arms tight with chilling thoughts. I had never tried to talk to heaven… Never even thought of asking for guidance from an angel, but I spoke tiredly… Hoarsely at first then it cleared up as I finished, my heart sinking. "Watch over him, James… If not for me…" I started crying harder, finding it difficult to find composure but I did. "If not for me then… Just do it for him." I felt extremely stupid for even attempting such a thing and wording it in the most disrespectful way, but it was done.

I could never believe in, not prove of disprove the existence of heaven of hell, but it made me feel better to think about it. Perhaps that's where it originated from… People all needed an explanation of the question of, "What happens when you die?"

My mother and father had always lay under the stars telling me that they were all people who had passed on and were now looking down at us, watching. "So that's grandma?" I would always say, picking out a different star every time, but to me it was always the same one… The brightest, most beautiful star that I could find that particular night.

My father would hold me tighter and I would look to my mother, seeing her somber eyes as she would nod and look over me, the luminescence of all the stars shining in her eyes. The she would turn back to the sky and point to the one directly below it; dimmer than the other but still equally as bright.

"And who is that?" She would say quietly, her other hand tracing the wrinkles in my shirt longingly.

"Baby brother!" I would say happily, smiling because I always knew my mother would be crying when she would look back up at me.

"That's right, baby girl." My dad would hold me tighter, taking my attention away from my mother while she composed herself. "Because no one ever goes into anything alone…"

My memories left me and I sat up in my seat, my fingers playing with the cold door handle. No one should even be alone. I knew from experience and I had always promised myself not to allow anyone else to be alone if it could be helped.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I opened the car door and walked the same steps as Luke did, but I had decided I was ready for anything as I stumbled around the house, nearly falling over from dizziness as it slid it's unwelcoming self over my brain, hazing everything that went through my head.

"Well if it isn't the little orphan girl…"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

The voice was noticeably German and if it wasn't so heavily foreign, it would have been snobby and conniving, full of arrogance.

I opened my clenched eyes to a scene that I should have expected, but my heart sank.

There was a red head and a blonde standing opposite a dark haired boy with his fists clenched, feet planted firmly on the ground.

"Deven, don't bring her into this." It was the dark haired one, Luke, his voice shaky through compressed teeth.

"I think she deserves to know, don't you?" Deven smiled at Luke and motioned towards me.

"Know what?" Luke looked between me and Deven, stiffening as Deven approached me.

"While you two have been busy taking each other's innocence, the world's been going on." He smirked harder, nearly a foot from me now. "Step daddy found out about mommy. Step daddy goes out, get's drunk, hunts daddy down and kills him." He held his hand out, sliding a finger across my stomach. "Cut him right like that… Hurt his awfully bad…" He poked his lip out, examining his hand that not resembled a gun. "Step daddy sobers up and realizes that nothing he can do will make his pretty little daughter come back to him. So…" He held his hand up to my forehead, pulling his fake trigger. "He blows his brains out with a his Revolver." He smirked again and looked over at Luke. "And now you're dancing with fire… How do you think she feels?"

"This isn't about her, Deven." Luke's teeth were clenched tighter.

"I just made it about her… Whoops." He smiled and turned to slyly approach Luke, stalking him like a cat and a mouse.

Luke clenched his fists tighter, raising them by his sides as a warning to his friend.

I attempted to call out for either one to stop as soon as Deven struck Luke's jaw with his fist but all I could manage was a dumbfounded look at the tall blonde watching them as I fell to the wet ground. Any attempt to talk or get up were completely in vain as my arms grew weaker and weaker by the second. I watched silently as the frightening images of the two boys blurred as my eyes focused and unfocused again.

Deven grabbed Luke's T-shirt and slammed him on the wall of the house, taking a knife from a table beside them. He swiftly brought it to Luke's throat, baring his teeth and growling fiercely. "What do you take me for? Because I can tell you now… I'm not it."

My mind started leaving me when I saw Luke spit blood onto Deven's pale cheek. I found my arms pushing me off the ground as I felt sudden anger; at which one, I had no idea, but it escaladed until my cheeks flushed a bright red - not from the bitter air and freezing wind, but out of anger and insanity that I could feel was bubbling up from the past… My past. My broken, beaten, burning past that hung over me like the grim reaper. And it fueled me to this moment. My mother was gone… Taken by herself in a fit of confusion and despair. My father… Simply out of circumstance; for the simple reason that he was my father. My step dad. Gone simply because he had lost his will to live. And Luke… The boy I was sure was the love of my life… Gone because I didn't know how to let things go… How to let things die.

"This is not a way to avenge your friend Luke, I don't see how it even makes you feel better. You must not have liked me much to begin with."

Thunder boomed off in the distance as Luke got a rush of adrenaline, pushing on Deven's chest and turning around, slamming him against the brick siding on the house. "He would have been fine, Deven." Luke snarled through clenched teeth, nearly inches from the red head's face.

They were soaked now, as was I and the rain offered us little mercy. I continued forward towards the two boys feeling my head throb and my eyes burn. Then a harsh wave of dizziness ran over my again and I felt myself fall to the ground.

I head myself repeatedly mutter James' name; a soft mumble that I myself could barely hear. "Help me…" I felt tears flood my face, mixing in with the pure rain that now washed everything, beating down on the already muddy earth.

"Stop!" I heard myself scream over my muffling thoughts and Luke's whimper as he was thrown on the ground. "Deven stop!" I fought to stand up as I saw Deven's cold stare turn to me.

"He should think before he decides to come here looking for a fight." He snarled as he kicked Luke sharply in the ribs; the sound of bones cracking, one of the more prominent noises as the red head's boots struck the crumpled body on the ground. "He should be begging me for mercy…" His foot gently tapped Luke's shoulder, pushing him over on his back.

Luke groaned lightly and for a moment, his tired golden eyes met mine in not even two seconds that felt like a stab in my confused and weak heart.

"Deven stop! You're killing him!" I picked myself off of the ground for the second time as a rush of dizziness nearly overcame me but I persisted, planting my feet into the wet earth, all faith in my trusty converses.

Deven laughed coolly. "I though I was a murderer… Isn't that what I do?"

"No… I don't believe you are, Deven…" I inched my way forward slowly, keeping my hands out in front of me to steady myself.

Deven laughed again, sighing to himself. "Sweetie, if you had any idea how unbelievable that sounded…" And then he fell to the ground with a loud thud.

While his attention had turned to me, Luke had rested long enough to at least kick at Deven's legs and make him fall and was not straddled on top of him.

"Luke!" Deven said it quickly as Luke raised a fist to hit him.

I continued forward, towards the house, inching towards the table where dozens of weapons sat laying… Waiting.

"Luke this isn't you… Stop please."

I turned to look, staring at the two boys, Deven's arms above his head covering his face. He dropped them and looked up at his head covering his face. He dropped them and looked up at Luke, his eyes big and sorrowful. "Would James want you doing this?"

My heart sank and I could imagine Luke's did too, for he loosened his grip on Deven's collar and his raised hand started to lower as the rage from his eyes dissipated.

I saw the larger boy grin just before he sat up and pushed his two hands into Luke's torso where he had kicked him just minutes ago. Luke bit his lip hard and cried out in pain, falling backwards. Deven lifted himself up and the changed positions; Luke laying on the ground, eyes shut tight trying to block the pain out I guessed and Deven, on his knees, straddled around Luke's waist, smiling.

"You're too weak…" Devven leaned over the boy underneath him, hand flat on his chest, pressing in enough to make him clench his fists at his sides and whimper lowly.

This was my chance. His back was to me and I could move freely if my body would allow me. I gripped the long knife in my shaky hands, tying to hold back tears that didn't seem to want to stop. My head jumped in my chest… This time the knife in my hands was not intended to kiss my wrist… No… This time it had a new target.

I moved slowly, my heart racing just as fast as my mind… My movements were completely involuntary as I watched myself approach the two figures on the ground.

"Deven!" Luke cried out against the pain Deven was inflicting on him.

In response, Deven pushed harder. It was apparent as his body lowered and Luke's breath became more shallow, sucking in air sharply, attempting to prevent himself from raising his chest too much.

I was staring down at them, slowly raising my right hand above their bodies. My head throbbed harder and I saw them turn again as I brought my arm down quickly and my vision darkened as I clenched my eyes shut, falling down to the ground, gripping the sides of my head and pushing in as my cries mixed in with more that sounded nearly inches from me as a body fell to the ground.

I had done it.

No… These cried weren't new… I opened my eyes quickly as they passed over a body laying flat on the cold ground, soaking wet and breathing even faster.

"No!" It came out as a scream as I slid over, throwing myself over his body.

He groaned and stiffened, but lifted an arm to allow himself to caress me. I could feel him shaking as I clung to him, hearing his heart shudder with every breath he took. "Alex…" I could barely hear it because of its volume and my sobs, still loud even though they were muffled in his chest.

I shook my head, lifting myself to sit on my knees, gently pulling his head into my lap. He was growing cold already and his color had already started to leave his perfect lips.

"I was only trying to protect you…" He closed his eyes slowly and opened them again. They too were dulling rapidly and I felt a rush of hatred wash over me. Hatred for myself. I had thought he was pushing me away… Leaving me because he despised me. He had done it because he was willing to die to protect me… He wasn't trying to avenge his friend's death… He was trying to prevent another from happening.

He reached up cautiously and gently ran his chilling, pale hand over my cheek. "I-" His hand dropped as he coughed hard, blood escaping from his mouth.

"No…" I mumbled, eyes widening in horror. "No!"

A tear fell down his cheek, falling onto my hand and another fell from his other eye, getting lost in the rain, gone forever. He mumbled something lowly but I couldn't make it out so I leaned down and he attempted to lean up, his lips brushing against my ear before he fell back to the ground. "I love you, Alex Cook…"

I raised my head and cupped his face, looking into his eyes as I ran my thumb over his cheek. I couldn't open my mouth to speak, to scared to do anything. Was he saying goodbye? I could only shake my head in disagreement. I couldn't even lean down to kiss him… If he was dying, what would think about my last actions towards him - stabbing him… Shaking my head when he told me the three words I wanted to desperately to hear from him…

He tried to raise a hand to my face, shaking harder. "I-" his fingertips brushed my cheek and then dropped as his body went limp, a single tear slipping from his eye as they closed forever. _Love you too…_

_I reached for the singer water droplet, but a rain drop beat me to it, mixing in with his tear and washing it away from me. "No…" I couldn't control my tears as I lowered his head to the ground and looked over his still body. "Don't go… I'm not ready…" I sniffled, watching the rain trickle down his pale skin. "Please…" I felt like I was five again, confused as to why my mother wouldn't wake up when she had a bottle hanging out of her hand._

"_Look what you did…" I felt a presence behind me and I turned my head to the left, seeing a pair of purple pants and high tops. But it wasn't Jackson who had spoken… I turned to the right seeing a pair of black pants and bulky black boots._

"_Go to hell, Deven…" I looked around for my knife, finding it behind the two pairs of legs where I had dropped it._

"_Oh please… I just got rid of Luke, why would I want to see him again?" Deven snickered._

_I felt fingers run through my hair. "Fuck you, Deven…"_

"_Oh I'd love you to, darling…" There was a rustling as he knelt down, twirling my hair around his fingers._

_I swallowed hard, looking sideways at Deven's fair features, avoiding contact with his big brown eyes._

"_Don't be afraid, love…" He reached over with his other hand and rested it gently under my chin, guiding my head to the side to face him._

"_I'm not afraid of you…" I said through clenched teeth, feeling his warm breath dance on my face._

"_Good… That makes things so much easier." His hand raised to my forehead, pushing my head back._

_And then I felt it… The same kiss on my neck that I had felt so many times on my arms… But I had always been to afraid to make this cut so many times before… Now I welcomed it on my skin, letting the knife press into me as I felt a sickeningly warm liquid run down my chest._

_Then darkness encased around my body as I laid back, staring up at the two boys hovering above me. This I looked over to my love that remained still, getting pelted with the merciless rain… _

_Then I closed my eyes peacefully, letting the heavy darkness take me to whatever lay on the other side._


	18. Epilogue? Extra

**Alright, guys… Lost is done, and please excuse me if my typing is messed up at any point, I got a new keyboard and the keys are annoying Dx namely the space bar, but that still doesn't stop me from messing up on other words. I'm trying my best to go back and change my typos, but don't hate me if you see one… I'm still getting used to this keyboard.**

A low moan pierced the darkness before fainting back into nothing. Another one followed after, by a lighter, more delicate voice. Silence followed again and then a shrill scream. "Damn it, Deven! 'Supposed to be pleasure not pain, you ass." A low laugh followed and then a light kissing sound. Another moan escaped the colorful blonde in the still, dark room.

"Ouch! Deven stop! You're not supposed to bite that hard!"

Silence.

"Deven!" A piercing scream bit through the hollow air.

"Ohmygod." A whisper breathed.

Silence followed again.

"Okay. Stop Deven."

"Deven, stop!"

A lamplight flickered on, illuminating the lowly decorative room. A bed and nightstand with a lamp residing in it - if you didn't the two half-naked boys on the bed.

"Jacksoooon." The ginger whined, grabbing the other boy's hands and placing them on his bare chest.

"No, Deven. I'm not in the mood. Put your shirt on and pass me my pants and shirt."

Deven looked at Jackson menacingly. "You know, I could make you. There are handcuffs in that nightstand."

Jackson narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You wouldn't."

Deven raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" He moved his body, crawling over Jackson to reach for the nightstand and a slap echoed through the room. Deven rubbed his shoulder, pouting.

"I mean it, Deven. We need to talk. About- what happened." the red head flipped over, throwing the blonde a shirt and pair of pants.

After the two were dressed, Deven lay down on the bed, throwing an arm under his head to support it in a flaunting way.

"I really don't see what there is to talk about. They did it to themselves. All three of them.'

"But you caused it."

Deven's face fell and he looked pointedly at Jackson.

"So that's it?" I kill three people who no one gives a damn about and you don't love me anymore?"

Jackson frowned, moving to take Deven's face in his hands. "of course I love you."

Deven growled, turning his eyes away. "You do not."

"I do too."

"Prove it"

"Deven, you killed people! People who were innocent and did nothing to you! This is no time for that. We. Are. Talking."

Deven sat up, crossing his arms over his chest. "So talk."

The flamboyant blonde sighed, pushing a hand through his colored hair.

'Talk Jackson."

"I'm thinking, damn it!"

"Just stop being a bitch about it, they were nobodies. It's not like anyone cared."

"I cared!"

"You're such a wuss, Jackson. Stop being a fucking bitch about it. Grow up."

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"I'll talk to you however I want." Deven raised a hand, slapping Jackson across the face. "Snap out of it, Jackson."

The gentler boy's face fell into shock, his cheek already reddening to form a handprint.

He got up slowly, climbing off the bed to leave the room. Deven continued to sit on the bed, only watching Jackson until he'd left the room.

Then he followed after.

Jackson sat in the middle of the floor, knife pressed to his neck.

"Jackson, no!"

The boy looked up, tears streaming down his face as droplets of blood trickled down his neck. "I can't do this, Deven. You can't-" A sob racked his body and the knife fell to the floor.

"Figured you wouldn't do it… You're too gentle, too cowardly. Too frail." Deven said, looking down at the broken and falling apart soul on the floor.

"What am I supposed to do, Deven! My own boyfriend killed people! How am I to know you won't kill me too! You say you love me, but- Luke and James? They were our friends at one point! Our friends, Deven!" Jackson screamed then, picking up the knife.

Deven squatted on the floor to look into his lover's eyes. Eyes that flickered in emotion, only pain. And he realized his mistake; this wasn't Jackson. His boyfriend was gone, just as the knife pierced his chest and he fell backwards to hit the floor.

Shock registered across the other boy's face. "Oh no…"

"I'm sorry, Deven. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry"

Deven moved his eyes to look at the person above him. The image blurred, casting back as shadows with ghost of words tracing his ear. Then it all went black.

Jackson's hands fluttered over the dead boys chest, realizing what he had done. His hands fell, and he hurriedly scooted away from the dead body. Jackson sat on the floor, rocking back and forth, his arms drawn across his knees, tears streaming down his face. His mouth moved in the same position over and over. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

**Umm… This could be what some of you call an epilogue, however, to me, it is a wonderful little thing my lovely friend wrote in one of her random strokes of ingenious boredom. I thank her for not doing all the things she would like to do to him: Stabbing him, ripping him, burning him, drowning him, burring him, digging him back up and repeating the process again all while describing it all in vivid detail while she miraculously keeps him alive during all of this so she can listen to his screams. -deep breath-**

**She didn't though, but I do suppose being killed by your loved one may top all of those. If you liked this, do check her out, just go up to the top of the page and search for the author "IdleMinds" I can guarantee you shant be disappointed. And hopefully you shall see a collaboration from us very soon ^^**

**Think chapter 17 was the end? Not quite… I shall be posting little additives here and there; not continuing the story of course but just little things that maybe you weren't clear on or just for background to help you understand the characters more, including the night Adrea died and what happened the night James died from his perspective ^^' Tell me in a review what you want to see in my extras and you shall have it :D**

**This has been a really long note and I am about to slam this keyboard across the room, but I was just mentioning some things that you might like to know. I think I'm done :DD**

**Thanks ^_^ LifesDisgrace**


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